Identity Crisis
by Diva Urd
Summary: Sanzo turns youkai during the first journey, and is relieved of his rank and his assignment. How will he cope? A What-if-Fic. Shounen-Ai SanzoxHakkai in later chapters, but no lemon here. Complete in 18 chapters. Re-revised May 4.
1. Chapter 01

Hello minna!

Ooookay, here I go... this is my first Saiyuki-FanFic. I have seen Gensoumaden Saiyuki up to Episode 41 and Requiem. No Reload as of yet, and I have also not read the mangas (neither Original, nor Reload, nor Gaiden). I still hope to know the guys enough to write about them – but please don't kill me if OoC-ness occurs! And yeah, I know, in Reload Ep. 10 there is something about Sanzo turning youkai... haven't seen it, I swear! And I only found one other fic that dealt with Sanzo as youkai (Story-ID 1790075 – very short, but nice!), so I am reasonably sure to not rip anything off.

Okay, this still plays during the time of the first series, and is a "What If"-Fic. Therefore, it will not follow the course of the series, but still play in the Saiyuki-Universe.

Furthermore, this Fic might contain shounen-ai, that means one of the male characters falls in love with another male character. If that is not your thing, so sorry. To the smutbunnies: Yup, I am one myself and like reading lemony stuff, but I do not trust myself to write a decent lemon, so the most that will come out of it is a lime – and even that might not happen in this Fic.

And I promise honest-to-Tentei: NO M-PREG! EVER! ;-)

In more personal matters, English is not my first language, so please don't bite if I use a wrong tense or something like that (even though I do welcome corrections of any mistakes I might have left in the story!)...

And: I am searching for pictures and/or Wallpapers of Youkai Hakkai and Youkai Sanzo. Fanart and Screenshots always welcome – my mail address is in my profile, if you want to help me out!

Okay, and now to the story...

But first...

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Saiyuki belong to Minekura Kazuya-sama, and I do not make money with this, so please, PLEASE don't sue me (not that I have any money to sue for to begin with...)

IDENTITY CRISIS

CHAPTER 1

Dark clouds made the sky look as though it would fall and crash into the earth any minute. Only here and there the moon had the chance to spread light through a gap in them.

The overcast silence of this darkness suddenly was interrupted by gunfire, and a scream.

The bodies of the youkai who had attacked them had barely vanished in the banishing light brought onto them by Sanzo's gun, when the monk suddenly had started shaking. His weapon had fallen to the ground when his hands had moved up to his head, to clamp his palms down on his temples.

Anxiously, Goku watchedas his guardian fell down on his knees and howled a scream of agony and rage at the clouds above.

Wide-eyed and utterly scared ('Sanzo never screams like that – even when he's close to dying!', he thought), he grabbed Hakkai's shirt and shook him.

"What is happening to Sanzo?"

Then, without even waiting for an answer, he tried to get closer to the monk, only to feel the healer's hand on his wrist, holding him back. He tried to wrestle his hand out of the hard grip, finally turning to Hakkai and begging, "Let me go! I have to go to him..."

The brunette man shook his head, and his eyes were as serious as the boy had ever seen them.

"You can't, Goku. It is too dangerous. Gods, has it really already been a thousand?"

Gojyo, who had been standing next to his friend and the monkey-like boy, started at that.

"Hakkai, you don't want to tell us..."

The older man nodded.

"That is the only explanation. Sanzo is turning into a youkai."

Gojyo looked taken aback. "But Sanzo never touched youkai blood... don't you have to have the blood of those killed youkai on you to...?"

Hakkai shook his head.

"It's a myth that only that will... change you. True, blood of a thousand killed youkai will change you even if you yourself did not kill them, but the act of killing itself works the same way, or so I've heard."

As if to answer him, the blond man screamed again, although this time, there was a definite snarl in his voice. Horrified, they watched when fingernails turned into vicious-looking claws, ears elongated to form the characteristic points, hair grew out into a tousled mane cascading far down the back. Sanzo's face was not visible from where they stood, but the three others already knew what they would see: Those cold, violet eyes, forced shut in pain, would open and reveal the catlike slits demonkind sported for pupils.

Growling low in his throat, the newly created youkai got back on his feet and turned around. There was no recognition in Sanzo's eyes when his lips twisted into a predatory grin, revealing teeth formed into sharp fangs. Hakkai and Gojyo immediately readied themselves for an attack, but Goku used his chance to run towards his guardian.

"Sanzo! It's us! Please calm down..."

That was how far he got until a hand connected with his torso, shredding his clothes, then tearing through skin and finally throwing him back, directly into Hakkai, who had just enough time to ready himself for the impact and catch the boy without falling.

"Goku, it's no use. He's influenced by the minus wave, you won't get through to him... we might have to fight him."

Clutching at his injured chest, the boy froze, when Gojyo added seriously,

"... and kill him? He doesn't have any limiters to put back on him, and the way he is now, he will be a danger to anyone who passes by..."

Solemnly, Hakkai nodded.

"We might have to, if we can't subdue him otherwise..."

Disbelieving what he had just heard, Goku shook his head.

"How can you even suggest that? We're his friends! HOW CAN YOU EVEN MAKE A SUGGESTION LIKE THAT?"

When Hakkai looked down on him, he shivered involuntarily. Had Hakkai's eyes been blue, they could not have been icier than that.

"Do you think Sanzo rejoices in killing innocents? Because that is what he will start doing if we don't stop him. Even if he regained his sanity at some point, I doubt he would be able to live with himself, knowing what he has done. He would do the same thing, if you or I lost it and he had no other way to stop us..."

"Well said, Tenpou... or Hakkai, isn't it?", a female voice sounded behind him, and then Kanzeon Bosatsu walked into view. Her face did not sport the smile she usually wore when they met; in fact, it was downright serious. She held two golden, Sanskrit-inscribed wristcuffs in her hands, and Hakkai relaxed when he saw them.

"Those are limiters, right? Thank the Gods..."

Kanzeon Bosatsu shook her head.

"Don't thank me yet. I don't even know whether giving those will be a mercy for him. He will not like what I have to tell him once he regains his sanity..."

Nevertheless, she walked towards Sanzo, whose smile had vanished in favor of a rather scared expression. Clearly, he did not want the Goddess of Mercy to come any closer, yet he seemed unable to simply run away.

When she snapped one the limiters shut around his wrist, Kanzeon managed to give Sanzo a sad smile.

"Konzen... why didn't you ever stop to think about why I wanted these three to go along with you on your journey? Why didn't you stick to the principles of your religion even for a little bit? Buddhists don't kill, and Buddhist leaders should be an example to their subordinates... There you had three youkai with you for the dirty work, and yet you killed along with them, and not only in self-defense, as was intended. And now... it is too late."

Then, the second limiter snapped into place, and Sanzo's expression changed into that of utter exhaustion. Just before his eyes closed, his three friends could see that they had reverted back to normal. Ears shrunk to their normal human size,claws turned back into fingers. With a small gasp, the blond man slumped to the ground.

Now, there was no reason for Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku to stay away anymore. The boy arrived at his master's side first, grabbing his arm and pulling on it to gain his attention.

"Sanzo? Oy, Sanzo! Are you okay...?"

Wearily, the monk looked up at his charge, and his first words baffled Goku, because they did not consist of an insult or a threat.

"Wh...what happened?"

Then, he saw the new adornments on his wrists, and his eyes widened. After a moment of utter silence, he finally spoke again, his voice rough.

"I am... I did..."

Kanzeon Bosatsu kneeled down in front of him and nodded.

"You have turned. And that is not the only bad news, I am afraid."

She stretched out her index and middle finger and placed them on Sanzo's forehead, directly over red chakra. A green glow emanated from them, and the Goddess shook her head sadly.

"Genjo Sanzo, per orders of Tentei, I am to tell you that your journey is over, and you are relieved of your rank and status. A youkai monk is not something the old baboon is willing to tolerate. You are to hand over the credit card the Three Aspects gave you, your sutra and your weapon. Another way will be found to stop the Gyuumaoh Revival Experiment."

She removed her hand from his forehead. The chakra was gone.

Thunderstruck, Hakkai watched as she took the sutra off Sanzo's neck and rolled it up, and finally reached into the man's pocket to take the card. All the while, Sanzo did not object to the treatment, but stared at her, disbelief in his eyes.

'He must be in deep shock to not even object to her touching him', the healer thought.

Finally, the disgracing little ceremony was over, and Kanzeon Bosatsu got back to her feet from her kneeling position. After picking up the banishing gun from the ground, she strode over to the brunette youkai, and he felt a rather large sack with softly tinkling coins shoved into his hand.

"That is all I can do for you guys. It will last you for a while before you have to earn money for a living again."

Hakkai did not even look down at the gift, but nodded gratefully.

"Thank you... I don't suppose there is any way you can reverse this situation?"

Kanzeon Bosatsu shook her head.

"The only one with the power to do so is Tentei himself – and the crotchety old fool would not do so even if his life was at stake. He is too fond of 'examples', as he calls it. I am afraid your friend will have to learn to live with it. Well, I need to go – I am rather sure the sutra is needed elsewhere. Most likely, I will not be allowed to aid you any further, so look after each other. It was fun while it lasted. Farewell!"

And with that, she vanished.

* * *

There we go – first chapter! I have planned out 7 chapters up to now, but in the end, it will be more. However, I don't think it will be more than 15 chapters in the end, and that is a rather high guess. I hope you enjoyed! Please leave me some comments! 


	2. Chapter 02

As I have nothing better to do this afternoon, here the second chapter!

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki is not mine. I don't make any money off of this. Please don't sue.

CHAPTER 2

Later, none of them would remember how they got back into the jeep and on their way to the nearest town; the things that had happened only minutes before still had all of them in a state of shock.

None of them dared to say anything; Sanzo's facial expression had slowly changed back to his usual scowling mask, but Hakkai, who sat next to him on the driver's seat, could tell that the former monk's eyes shone with desperation. He kept staring at his wrists, where the two tight bracelets reminded him of his new state.

'It must be hell for him', the healer thought. 'Not only to lose his humanity, but to also lose his rank... He defined himself through his title, although he never followed the actual teachings that came with it...'

They rode on quietly for a while longer, until Goku couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Hesitatingly, he pulled on the sleeve of the monk's robe that his guardian still wore.

"Sanzo...?"

No reaction – no answer, not even a harisen to the head.

The boy waited for a good minute, then he tried again.

"Sanzo!"

This time, he got a reaction. Fast as a snake, the blond man turned around and grabbed his shirt to shake him while he hissed at him in barely suppressed rage.

"Do... not... call... me... that!"

When Gojyo's hand grabbed his arm, he stopped shaking his charge. Goku's eyes shone with uncried tears. Still in a rather angry tone, but without the malice that his words had dripped with before, he explained:

"'Sanzo' was my title, not my name, idiot. I don't deserve it anymore. No Genjo Sanzo here anymore..."

'But what should they call me now?', he thought when he turned to sit back down.

'Who am I? What is my name? Kouryuu? I always HATED that name... but it is the only one I have left to give them. And do I really deserve a name that is to my liking, after I have failed my comrades, my title, my assignment?"

He stared down at his limiters again, fighting with himself, then finally made a decision. If they wanted to mock him with the name the people in his childhood had made fun of him with, so be it.

"My name is Kouryuu. You will call me that from now on. If you call me Sanzo once more, I'll sh..."

'Shoot them?', a voice in his head started giggling. 'With what?'

'...I'll make sure you regret it', he finished lamely and without the necessary anger to back it up. Instead, he sounded incredibly tired.

Goku, however, was oblivious to his master's tone. In his endless optimism, he was sure that Sanzo – no, Kouryuu! – would be okay now, after dinner, a hot bath and a good night's sleep. He was too naive to realize that the use of his old name was only one more reason for his companion to be depressed.

"Okay, got it! Kouryuu, Kouryuu, Kouryuu, Kouryuu, Kouryuu..."

His chant of the name was stopped when Gojyo smacked him upside the head.

"Stupid monkey, that's enough! Now be quiet, or there won't be any food for you when we reach town!"

"As if you had anything to say about that, horny kappa!"

"WHAT did you call me?"

"HORNY KAPPA!"

And thus, at least in the back of the car, everything was back to normal again. What was not normal was that the former Sanzo did not put a stop to it, and that it did not make Hakkai laugh, as it usually did. Instead, green eyes kept wandering back to the former monk, watching him as he kept staring at his limiters, deep in thought. The brunette youkai understood at least partly what Sanzo... no, Kouryuu... must feel like, and he hoped that the man next to him would manage to get out of his depression in the end.

* * *

Not long afterwards, they finally reached a small town. As Hakkai held all the money the group currently had, he took care of getting them four rooms for the night and then led them into the restaurant part of the inn. Before Goku could order anything from the waitress, Hakkai shook his head. 

"I am sorry, Goku, but our resources are limited right now. I cannot allow you to eat all our money away. You will have to settle for a smaller portion from now on."

The boy's face fell at the thought of this prospect.

"I will staaaaarve...", he whined.

"Ch, you would even say that while still eating more than Hakkai, San.. uh, Kouryuu, and me together", Gojyo grinned at him.

That was all it took to start the regular fight between the two, and while they exchanged rude names and blows over the table, Hakkai managed to order a meal for all of them.

And Sanzo – 'Kouryuu, Gods be damned, his name is Kouryuu now', the healer thought – just sat there and did nothing to stop the fight. Eventually, even Gojyo and Goku realized that they would not be stopped by him in their favorite pastime, and ceased the hostilities on their own.

"Uh, Kouryuu, you okay?", the red-headed halfbreed had the courage to inquire.

"Leave me alone, dumbass", the quiet response came almost immediately.

Afterwards, there was no conversation anymore, not until the food arrived, and not even while they ate. Obviously, Goku and Gojyo had decided that it was no fun to start another fight if their blond companion did not get irritated enough to put a stop to it.

The man formerly known as Sanzo did not eat very much, and headed for his room rather quickly. When Goku wanted to get up and follow him, Hakkai held him back.

"Let him be, Goku", he quietly told the boy. "He has a lot to sort out with himself, and any one of us going after him would only disturb him. Why don't we three go out and take a look around this place? After all, we lost our assignment – no need to hurry on from here anymore. We have decisions to make as well; do we go back from where we came, or do we choose to stay somewhere else?"

The three companions left the building, none of them realizing that the worst was yet to come...

* * *

And here's Chapter 2! Might write another chapter tonight, am nice and inspired right now! 

Next chapter will be OVERFLOWING with Sanzo introspective and angst! And yup, outside of the story, I will still call him Sanzo!

For the people who read my shounen-ai warning and are waiting for something to start, this will not happen until at least chapter 8 (other than some hints), and I haven't even decided yet whether I will actually grant them a few moments together or leave it at "admiration from afar"... so I guess you'll just have to bear with me (grins evilly)...

Please leave a review – thanks in advance!


	3. Chapter 03

Hi again minna-san!

Well, after a little computer incident yesterday night which required the replacement of some parts, here now chapter 3 of my little story...

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed, as I learned that FFnet sees the practice as grounds for account deletion. Sorry about that.

DISCLAIMER: Still not mine (although, I would not mind owning a certain grumpy monk, hehe...)

CHAPTER 3

The youkai who had been known as Genjo Sanzo until today ('Kouryuu, my name is Kouryuu again') watched his three companions leave the inn, chatting with each other animatedly. He envied them – their friendship (although at least Goku and Gojyo would never openly admit to being friends with each other), their ability to accept their pasts and let them go.

'Well, I always preached to anyone whining about their past to let it go and look ahead', he thought bitterly. 'Then again, those people usually had something to look forward to – and I have nothing left...'

He had never possessed anything but his title, the name that gave him his dignity and his excuse to let nobody get close to him. Now he was nobody – and that scared him more than any amount of youkai ever had.

'Shit, I don't even have a home anymore...'

He had not had much contact to anyone in the temple, apart from Goku (and Dougan, but he preferred to ban this maniac from his thoughts), but he had still called it home.

No more...

And what was he going to do for a living now?

'It's not like I have any people skills...'

Although he was not opposed to hard work, he simply could not imagine himself cooking, building houses or manning a store as a clerk for the rest of his life.

Hakkai had been a teacher once, and could now make a living using his Ki to heal people. Gojyo had managed to pay the bills as a card shark. And Goku...?

Well, he was as close to a professional parasite as one could get, Kouryuu thought and allowed himself a short, sardonic grin.

'But what can I do, other than play errand boy to the Three Aspects, in robes, with a sutra and a gun?'

'Mercenary' was the first idea that crossed his mind. But then, he discarded the thought as quickly as it had come to him. Selling out to kill random people, never mind who and what they were, was simply not his style.

'And besides', he thought when a new wave of desperation washed over him and the cuffs around his wrists suddenly felt tighter than ever before, 'haven't I trampled my master's ideals enough? He was killed trying to defend me during a youkai attack... and ever since then, I have been the first to fight when a youkai stepped out of line. Did I do it do somehow avenge him? He would not have wanted me to shed blood in his name... now, I went too far, and I will pay the price for the rest of my life. I turned into the very thing I despised so much. I have betrayed my master... and myself.'

The blond man lit a cigarette, hoping that the old habit would soothe his nerves a little. But, as he had half expected, no such luck – on the contrary, the smoke accomplished nothing but to give him a slightly queasy feeling to his stomach.

'No wonder, I have barely eaten anything for the past three days...'

He looked out of the window again. By now, it was rather late at night, yet a lot of people were still walking up and down the main street of the little town – out for a drink and a game of poker in one of the bars, or maybe out to find a companion to warm their bed for the night, as Gojyo so often was.

'You lucky bastards', Kouryuu thought – with much of the old disdain, mixed with a trace of yearning.

'You are born, grow up loved by your parents, learn a profession, find a mate, maybe sire children, grow old and die – and that is all there is to life for you. You will never know restraints, you will most likely never have to worry about anything more than whether your spouse cheats on you or your kids misbehave. I am not much different from you insignificant folks now – but I have seen and done far too much to be content with your kind of life. How can I ever live like you, who have never seen more than their quiet little town?'

The answer came to him immediately:

He couldn't.

This was the end of the road for him.

And if he was honest with himself, had all his smoking, drinking and fighting not been a flirt with death all along?

His limiters felt as though they did not allow his blood to circulate properly anymore; his hands grew cold and clammy.

'Or am I chickening out now?', he wondered, slightly disgusted with his involuntary reaction as he searched his travelling bag for one specific item, his resolution firmly in mind.

Finally, he found what he had been looking for: the blade he usually used to shave in the morning. Moonlight falling on it from outside made it gleam in the darkness of the room.

It took him a while to accomplish his objective; the limiters had been placed over the area where his veins were most vulnerable, closest to the surface of his skin. But that did not stop him; he kept sawing away at his lower arm until a spurt of blood with each of his heartbeats told him that he had found what he had been searching for. The pain was exquisite, exhilarating...

He stopped, watching the red liquid in awe, and when he finally decided to go and subject his other arm to the same procedure, his vision already began to blur.He tried to make it over to the bed, but did not manage to get there; his knees buckled under him, and he fell to the ground.

'What does it matter?', he thought, and an amused smile, so unlike the disdainful little one he tended to give worshippers or the wolfish one reserved for his enemies, appeared on his lips.

'It's over, and nobody will care where in the room I drew my last breath. Hopefully... my next life... will work out better... than this one...'

His vision had dimmed more and more; any movement was impossible now.

'Goku... Gojyo... Hakkai... I'm sorry...'

Those were his last thoughts before he finally succumbed to the dark nothingness waiting to claim him.

* * *

There you go, Chapter 3... Muahahahaharrr! And now I will not write anything for a month...! 

Just kidding, new chapter is likely to follow very soon, maybe already tomorrow... until then, please leave me a comment or two!


	4. Chapter 04

Here I am again!

Aaaah, this is nothing like the stories before – you guys actually inspire me a lot (just had an idea for a Sanzo-centric AMV...). I think I will happily stay in this category for a while...

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for reason.

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki isn't mine, and I do not intend to make money with this fic.

CHAPTER 4

After they had checked out the town, bought a few supplies and left Gojyo at a bar ('Let's see whether I can stock up our finances a little', the red-haired half-demon had said while eyeing the poker games being played at various tables throughout the room), Hakkai and Goku returned to the inn. The monkeylike boy yawned widely as they went upstairs to settle down for the night.

'Um, Hakkai', he asked sleepily as he opened the door to his room, 'do you think Kouryuu is alright now?'

'I'm sure he will be', the older youkai answered with a reassuring smile, and Goku, satisfied with his answer, simply nodded and closed the door behind him.

Hakkai's smile vanished as soon as he heard the door's latch click into place. The lie had been convincing enough for Goku – he had to admit to himself, however, that he was not sure about the blond man's well-being at all.

'Better go and check on him before going to bed', he thought and walked down the hallway to quietly knock on the former monk's door.

'Kouryuu?'

No answer from the inside. Had he already gone to sleep? Hakkai doubted it – if the past had taught him anything about Genjo Sanzo, now known as Kouryuu, it was that stress triggered insomnia in him. And this situation clearly was not easy for him.

'Kouryuu? I'm coming in now...'

He opened the door to peek inside – and his eyes widened at the puddle of red on the floor in which the blond was lying, unmoving.

"Oh shit," he cursed under his breath, furious with himself as he rushed over to the still body of the former monk. The warning signs that something like this could happen had all been there – how could he have ignored them, left an obvious candidate for suicide alone?

When he knelt down beside Kouryuu, he saw at once what he had done to himself. A deep wound in his left forearm, blood still running out of it, caused by the shaving knife lying next to his hand... The other arm only had a small line on it, as if from a scratch, barely bleeding at all – clearly, the blood loss had kept him from cutting any further down.

'Thank the Gods he didn't go any faster about it', the healer thought when he searched for a pulse on Kouryuu's neck, and, after several seconds, found a weak, hesitating beat under his fingers.

'If he had managed to cut as far into his other arm, he would definitely be dead by now...'

Soft green light emanated from his hand as he placed it on the gaping wound the former Sanzo had sawed into his left arm. Only now, while he could do nothing but channel his Ki into the blond Youkai, did he realize two things: A drop of blood had somehow found its way onto Kouryuu's forehead, to run down to his temple from the exact spot where the chakra had been...

... and for the first time since Hakkai had known him, a genuine-looking smile softened his features.

* * *

When Kouryuu opened his eyes and his vision focused, he realized two things: First, he was still in the same accursed body he was supposed to have left, and second, Hakkai sat on a chair at the side of the bed he was lying on, snoring softly. 

'I can't believe it, those dumbasses saved me... can't I even properly kill myself without them interfering?'

He tried to sit up, and, with a groan on account of his head threatening to split in two, realized that that hadn't been his wisest idea. The noise, however, awakened Hakkai, who rubbed his eyes and then turned his gaze on him.

"Good afternoon, Kouryuu. How are you feeling?"

The blond man decided against gracing this incredibly stupid question with an answer and avoided the healer's eyes. Hakkai, who was not wearing his customary smile on his face today, realized it shortly afterwards and shook his head.

"I take it you don't want to talk. Very well, then I will do the talking. It has been five days since you decided to be dramatic and carve a hole into your arm. Do you feel in any way declined to tell me what has gotten into you?"

That made Kouryuu look up and at the man on the chair. He had never heard Hakkai sound so... angry. A sudden urge to explain himself to the youkai, who had been through a similar ordeal he was forced to face now, grew in his mind. He stared down at his arm, where darker scar tissue reminded him of the deep cut that had been supposed to end his life, and with the raspy voice of somebody who had not spoken in days, he finally managed to say:

"I can't live on like this..."

He looked up into Hakkai's stern face.

The other man finally replied, "Whatever happened to the Genjo Sanzo who took me to my death... and released me into the world with a new name, a new life, and the suggestion, no, the order, to look ahead and let go of my past?"

The combination of the youkai mentioning his old name, along with bringing up the stinging truth that Kouryuu did not practice what he had always preached, made the blond man on the bad clench his teeth with rage.

"Let the past go? Look ahead?", he snarled. "Look ahead to what? To having no place to return to? To all of you going your own way, leaving me in some stinking little village like this, where I can try and keep the country bumpkins from throwing stones at me once they find out what I am? Genjo Sanzo is dead – he died the night I changed! WAS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW?"

Some ruckus from outside indicated that Gojyo and Goku were listening at the door. So much the better – then he would not have to yell at all three of them separately.

Kouryuu expected Hakkai to sport a surprised and hurt expression now, to excuse himself and leave the room. What he did not expect was an incredibly cold glare from emerald eyes, preceding a quiet, but equally icy voice replying to his anger-filled tirade...

"So Genjo Sanzo is dead, is that it? Well, maybe you might want to think about the fact that the self-same Genjo Sanzo that you claim not to be anymore would not grant me what he now demands for himself, that he claims his situation to be worse than that of any other person he does and does not know, which, by the way, is the biggest bullshit I have ever heard, and trust me, I have heard a lot of crap..."

Kouryuu started at that, eyes wide in surprise. Mild-mannered Hakkai using that kind of tone, those profanities...?

"... You claim not to be this Genjo Sanzo character anymore?", the green-eyed youkai continued in the same cold voice. "Well, I am sorry to take notice, but you still behave a lot like him. If you really want to be an independent person and not just a shadow of your own past, you might want to think about opening up to your companions a little more, instead of grieving for for that which has been and making foolish attempts to end your existence. Heed your own advice for once, you selfish son-of-a-bitch!"

And with those words said, Hakkai got up from the chair and left, the door slamming shut behind him, leaving a completely baffled Kouryuu staring after him.

* * *

Why did Hakkai go off on Sanzo like that? Wait for the next chapter to find out... 

Please review!


	5. Chapter 05

Hey ya!

Ack, I hate to leave arguments unfinished... therefore, I must write more...

DISCLAIMER: Nope, not mine. Don't try suing for anything, I don't have anything.

CHAPTER 5

Goku and Gojyo, who had been about to enter the room where Hakkai, ever the healer, was keeping watch over their unconscious companion, stopped in their tracks when they heard voices from the inside.

"He's awake!", Goku rejoiced quietly before he pressed his ear against the door to hear what was being said.

"Hey, monkeyboy", the half-youkai teased him, "you're not exactly displaying your best manners here..."

One moment later, however, his ear had joined Goku's on the wood of the door. He could hear Hakkai's voice, alright, but the door was too thick to actually understand more than the occasional word. And there – San... Kouryuu's voice, strained and rough, but unmistakably his.

'So he's back from the dead', the kappa thought, reluctantly admitting his relief. Ever since their leader had tried to take his own life, he had been in a state of profound disbelief – the ever-superior Genjo Sanzo (to hell with the name 'Kouryuu', he simply couldn't get used to think of the blond man any other way), sometimes depressed, but always defiant, so utterly beaten down that he refused to live any longer? It seemed impossible, and yet it had happened.

'Hopefully Hakkai can talk him out of trying again...'

He had been wandering around the town aimlessly for the last couple of days – there was nothing else to do for him, with Hakkai staying at his patient's side, trying to make him gulp down some water and meat broth, and Goku hovering at his side.

Gojyo glanced over to the boy; dark rings under his eyes told him that he had barely slept since Hakkai had found his master. As far as the halfbreed knew, Goku had also declined to eat anything until Hakkai had practically forced a meat bun down his throat.

'He has seen Sanzo get hurt before, but never by his own hand', the red-headed man mused.

'I don't even know whether he understands the concept of suicide – to be unable to go on with your life...'

His thoughts were interrupted at this point, when yelling started coming from the inside of the room. Gojyo flinched away from the angry voice instinctively, shoving Goku against the doorframe. A rather loud "clunk" resounded when the boy's limiter hit the wood.

"Ow, that hurt, Gojyo...", he started complaining.

"Shhh, now we can understand something", the older man hissed and held his ear back on the door again.

"...Genjo Sanzo is dead – he died the night I changed! WAS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW?"

The sheer volume of the last sentence did not require anyone to listen at the door anymore; a maid who passed them on her way to the stairs gave them an odd look as Goku slowly stepped back from the entrance to the room, his face paling.

"What on earth is Hakkai telling him?"

Gojyo shook his head, now utterly bewildered.

"Dunno – but it sure has him in a fit..."

Suddenly, Hakkai stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him, nearly crashing into Goku and shoving him out of the way in a rather unfriendly manner. Surprised, the half-demon called after him, "Hakkai, what..."

"Leave me alone!", came the angry – and totally uncharacteristic – reply. Shortly afterwards, another door slammed – this time the one to Hakkai's room.

Goku and Gojyo had barely recovered when the door was ripped open again and Kouryuu came stomping out, clearly not in the best of moods either. He wore his leather shirt and a pair of jeans, and had traded the sandals for a pair of worn-out boots that Gojyo had provided. His arms were bare, save for the gold bracelets confining his youkai persona, and a large discolored slash on his left arm, whichstill vividly told the story of his suicide attempt.

Gojyo, still bewildered by Hakkai's behavior and surprised to see San... Kouryuu up and about, took a second to find words to address the piercing violet stare:

"Uh, hi Kouryuu, nice to see you on your feet again..."

"Shut up and let me through" was all the answer he got for his attempt to be friendly before it was his turn to be shoved out of the way. The blond man walked down the hallway and down the stairs.

Goku and Gojyo exchanged a stare, and then the kappa decided that it was time for them to leave this madhouse for today – he had the feeling that neither Kouryuu nor Hakkai would appreciate company right now.

"Oy, Goku, I won some more money last night... wanna go and get something to eat?"

That got the monkeylike boy's attention immediately.

"Are you kidding – I'm starved! Let's go!"

* * *

Okay, I hadn't planned for this to be so long... wanted it to be part of the next chapter, not THE next chapter :sweatdrops: 

Ah well, regard it as a companion piece to the last one. Will write one more tonight – the one I had actually planned to be here...


	6. Chapter 06

Ahaha, I somehow have the feeling I wasn't quite as wrong when I talked about 15 chapters – in fact, it might even become more now – I can't stop... my hands won't come off the keyboard... argh!

Might take a day or two off after this – after all, we don't want to be through with this too fast, do we?

I just found a very nice picture of Youkai Hakkai on DeviantArt – me be happy now :grows kitty ears and starts purring:

Something else I'm hunting right now: WAV-Soundbites, like Sanzo's "Urusai!" and Hakkai's "Yare Yare"... if any of you know where to find stuff like that, let me know!

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for reason.

DISCLAIMER: Yup, not mine. Nope, don't sue. If you want to sue me for something, sue me for loving to drool over certain animated guys – thank the Gods my husband isn't holding it against me...

CHAPTER 6

After he had left the inn, a twinge of hunger made Kouryuu regret all the more that he had not asked any of the others for some money for a snack.

'Ch, not that I would have asked them in the first place – who am I to take money from them?'

Dirt poor, that was what he was.

'Must not wallow in self-pity again - Pull yourself together...'

He lit a cigarette as a substitute, and this time, the nicotine worked in the way he had desired. He blew the smoke out of his nostrils and continued walking along the main street of the little town, deep in thought.

He had to admit that Hakkai had been right about him – he had been one selfish son-of-a-bitch.

'They have all had their share of problems in the past – and there I come along and pretty much tell Hakkai that I suffer the most of them all. Hn, if I think about it that way, he was also right with the 'biggest bullshit ever' bit...'

Eventually, he realized that, once he got back, an apology was in order – and he was not sure how to go about it.

'I never apologized to anybody!', his old temper flared up, only to be beaten into submission by another part of him – one he did not recognize immediately.

'You also never managed to make Hakkai call you names, jackass, so stop playing the ever high-and-mighty bigshot and do it!'

He chuckled softly to himself. Did turning youkai actually come with a built-in conscience? Considering Hakkai an example, it almost seemed that way.

'Hakkai... I guess I really found the soft spot and pounded away on it there – I gotta learn to hold my horses...'

There, another novelty – Genjo Sanzo had never tried to behave himself for the sake of a friend...

'Friends? I have friends? I doubt the others actually consider me one – I hit them with that stupid fan, I even fired my gun at them. Hell, I myself wouldn't want to be my friend...'

A smile lit up his face for a moment when he came to an astounding conclusion:

'Gods, I have been one big asshole all the time – I guess I thought it belonged to the Sanzo act. I never thought... that I could feel so free without my title.'

That had been what Hakkai had been trying to tell him, and if he hadn't held on to his disgusting bout of self-pity, he would have realized it far sooner: Being a nobody made you free. Free to do whatever you wanted. Free to feel about things however you wanted.

Not having to worry that someone would get hurt if you cared too much for them by those who opposed you...

Astonished, gazing at his limiters, those chains who had freed him, he muttered under his breath, "I always thought I was the only free person, and the people around me were being forced along in their lives – and it was the other way around all along..."

He decided to try heeding his own advice – and Hakkai's – as best as he possibly could, and let go of the past, all the things that had weighed him down and made him miserable.

'Let's see how well your resolutions stand up to the next rainy night, old boy', his old sardonic self tried to make a comeback.

"I will handle it... as well as I can", he answered softly, and threw the remains of his cigarette away.

Had he made peace with himself? Far from it, but a truce was better than nothing.

He wondered, however, whether that was all the brunette youkai had been implying when he had talked about 'opening up to one's friends'...

He had no time to ponder on it anymore, for at this very moment, a loud crashing sound reached his ears and he turned around to see what had happened. What he saw was a column of black smoke, rising up from...

'The inn!'

Were they under attack? And what had happened to the others?

"Fuck!", Kouryuu cursed and fell into a run back down the street.

* * *

Since he had left Kouryuu, Hakkai had been standing at the window of his own room. The blond man truly had managed to enrage him beyond words. Thankfully, Goku and Gojyo seemed to have gotten the hint and stayed away from him. 

'Better for them, anyway', he thought sourly. 'I'm in the best mood for pulling a Sanzo – Ki-Blast to everyone who enters here...'

Since his renaming, he had never advocated violence – in fact, he preferred to find other ways of communication, if at all possible. There was too much blood on his hands already...

'And then this self-centered bastard comes along and whines about losing his title – he can be happy I didn't lose it right then and there and punched him into the middle of next week...'

He did not usually hold grudges, but in this case, he just might make an exception.

There, he had been truly sorry for him when Kouryuu had turned youkai, had wished for a way to somehow help him, for of all his companions, he was the one who understood him best... when the blond had overreacted, he had found him, healed him, poured all his Ki into him to make him survive... he had stayed at his bedside for days on end, sleeping on a chair, and only for a couple of hours tops at a time... and then this... this IDIOT... had the gall to come along and claim that his pain, his suffering was more important? That the loss of his rank entitled him to grieve more than Hakkai for Kanan?

Hakkai had always thought that, somewhere deep down, Sanzo – Kouryuu - had a heart. Now, he wondered whether he had been wrong about it all the time.

Wearily, he stretched, thinking, 'Might as well go to bed and get some decent sleep again for a change. Maybe tomorrow, I will be able to forgive him...'

He turned around to his bed, made a step towards it...

... and the bomb on the ground floor exploded, sending him flying into darkness.

* * *

Hehe, when you read the first part of this chapter, I bet you thought that I would go for "All's right with the world" now, huh? No such luck – angsting is sooo much fun! 

And don't worry, Sanzo's not gonna become the High Priest of the "Happy Happy Joy Joy"-Cult overnight – on the contrary, green light for Awkwardness GALORE! Aaaah, I LOVE being evil to the poor guys!


	7. Chapter 07

Hello there, friends!

After a day of leaving you alone, I'm back to harass you with a new chapter ;-)

I used my time yesterday to complete the outline of this, so now I at least know what to work towards to... Still can't give you a definitive chapter count, as it depends on how much story I can fit into each one, but my guess is that it will be between 15 and 20 chapters in the end. I also had two ideas for short Sanzo-Sillyfics... to be realized after I'm done with this story (I try to only write one story at a time, so I actually get done with one project before I start the next... exception: One-Shots. I sometimes write those inbetween).

Okay, and here comes the part where I'm gonna get my butt kicked from at least two of you... the pairing for this story will be SanzoxHakkai. I wasn't quite sure about it until I hit the argument between the two... and I have to say, I'm most comfortable with this pairing, although I will read anything as long as it involves Sanzo! However, I will see whether I can come up with something nice involving SanzoxGoku after I am done with this story.

Furthermore, after rereading my last chapter, I decided that Sanzo resolved being nice to the others a little too quickly, so I will have him revert back to his old self for a little bit (almost) – after all, I did not want him to be totally OoC.

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. Reason in chapter 3.

Ah, but enough of my blathering, let's get to the meat...

DISCLAIMER: It's Minekura-sama's. Not mine. I'm just borrowing the guys for my little romp.

CHAPTER 7

When Kouryuu reached the inn minutes later, he was relieved to see Gojyo and Goku standing in front of the burning building, next to a line of men trying to fight the fire with buckets of water. Their endeavour seemed to be doomed to failure, however; the inferno would surely collapse the inn within a matter of minutes.

"Where is Hakkai?", he inquired, a little breathless after his sprint.

Goku looked as though he was about to answer, but no sound came out of his mouth. Finally, Gojyo took over: "He was still in there..."

Violet eyes widened for a moment. Hakkai was still inside this burning mess...?

Then, the blond man softly cursed. "Shit..."

He looked at the two-storied house again, and his voice rose. "Shit, Shit, SHIT!"

And before anyone could hold him back, he ran towards the building and vanished in the dark clouds of smoke coming out of the entrance, where only hinges and blackened remains reminded of the door that had been there moments ago.

Goku let loose a wordless cry of surprise, and was about to follow his master into the raging flames when Gojyo held him back.

"Let me go... he's going to kill himself..."

The kappa shook his head.

"And if you follow him, you throw your life away, as well. Let's hope he finds Hakkai and makes it back out alive..."

* * *

At first, Kouryuu's eyes were forced shut by the intense heat and the noxious fumes, and he thought breathing impossible. He put one hand over mouth and nose and managed to squint to get his bearings before he blindly walked over to the staircase which, miraculously, had withstood the force of the explosion. From the looks of it, the bomb had gone off on the ground floor, setting fire to everything in its blast radius. 

Upstairs, the heat lessened a little, and he managed to open his eyes. There, a motionless form on the floor... could it be...?

It was Hakkai.

The bomb must have exploded right underneath his room, and the force of the blast had smashed the brunette youkai into the door of his room, which had given way to leave him in an unconscious heap in the hallway.

'There you go – another person hurt, just as you were about to let youself get attached to people again', the voice in his head rejoiced as he bowed down to heave the healer onto his back, and he could not deny that it had a point this time.

'I can't allow myself to get... attached... to them. It is too dangerous. Everybody I am in some way attached to gets hurt...'

Hakkai was heavier than he looked; Kouryuu staggered under his weight and took a moment to gain back his balance. He tried to hold himself up by placing a hand on the wall, but pulled it back immediately; the wood had become seething hot and began to blacken.

'Must get out of here – the building will collapse any minute now...'

The stairs creaked dangerously under him as he made his way down, and one stair actually broke in the middle with a resounding 'crack' when he set his foot on it; he barely kept from falling by hastily shifting his weight over to the side of the staircase.

Finally, he made it to the ground level again. The beams which held the ceiling right above him began to groan ominously. There were only seconds left before everything would be crashing down on him...

The blond man mobilized his last reserves, broke into a staggering sprint. Hakkai was close to falling off his shoulders, and his hands clamped down on the healer's wrist and ankle to hold him in place. Only five steps left... four... three... two... one...

He jumped over the debris that had been the front door, his lungs filling with air after a rough gasp; he had not realized he had held his breath. His weakened knees only managed a few more steps before he collapsed under Hakkai's weight, the youkai rolling off his back in the process. Behind him, the groaning of wooden beams became louder, until a large crash and a hail of small, hot splinters upon his arms indicated that the building had finally succumbed to the flames.

For a moment, Kouryuu thought he was about to faint; however, a familiar voice, even higher-pitched than usually, called out his name, bringing him back into reality.

"Kouryuu... are you okay?"

He looked up to see Goku standing next to him, with Gojyo about to arrive where he and Hakkai were lying on the ground.

"Never mind me", he croaked, his vocal chords about to give up under the strain the smoke had caused. "Worry about him."

And Goku did what his master told him, checking the brunette youkai's pulse and respiration just as Hakkai had shown him. Kouryuu coughed a few times; the smoke had done more to his lungs than he had realized. Suddenly, a hand was stretched out toward him; it was Gojyo's. The half-youkai's face was serious, as he said,"You saved his life."

'No attachment', the voice in his head whispered warningly.

The blond man ignored the helping hand and managed to get up on his feet on his own.

"Don't sweat it."

He ignored the exasperated look Gojyo shot him and turned towards Goku, who seemed to have finished his checks.

"Is he gonna live?"

The monkeylike boy nodded, smiling.

"His breathing is ragged, but his pulse is strong. Nothing seems to be broken. Lots of fresh air, and he should be fine."

Kouryuu acknowledged this with a typical Sanzo-Grunt and then asked, "None of you have actually seen Kougaiji or his accomplices around this place, have you?"

Gojyo started at that.

"What makes you believe he is the one responsible for this?"

The former monk turned a piercing gaze upon him, as though he wondered whether the half-demon really was that stupid, until he finally answered.

"This girl – Yaone – she knows about explosives."

Gojyo's expression darkened.

"If they are responsible for this cowardly attack, they will pay for it."

Kouryuu, who had knelt down and taken the sack of gold Hakkai had carried off the unconscious man's belt in the meantime, did not reply to that; instead, he tossed the linen bag to his red-haired companion.

"See whether you can find us another inn for the night; if Hakkai wakes up by tomorrow, we will move on."

Gojyo nodded, and found the unspoken answer to his words in the ferocity of those violet eyes.

Yes, Kougaiji and friends would pay for this – and he would not be the only one to make them pay...

* * *

And another chapter finished! Hope you enjoy – and I also hope that you still like, although it's not gonna be SanzoxGoku... please review! 


	8. Chapter 08

Hello!

I'm back with a new chapter for you!

For those of you who are interested in the "Youkai Hakkai"-FanArt that I mentioned in my ramblings the last two chapters, check out my profile, I just put the link to it in there, as I can't post it in here. In exchange, if ANY of you could make me a screenshot of Reload 10, I would appreciate it! I GOTTA see Sanzo as a youkai...

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for details.

Current Obsession: Saiyuki-Image-Albums... as long as you leave Hakkai's songs out, the Seiyuu has a nice speaking voice, but would starve if he had to make a living as a singer ;-)) Favorites: "Solitude" by Seki Toshihiko (Sanzo – WHO ELSE?) and "Proud of my Loneliness" by Hoshi Souichiro (Goku). And then, there's still "Double Dear" in my playlist – I guess I still have to watch Weiss Kreuz sometime...

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki is not mine. It's property of Minekura Kazuya.

CHAPTER 8

Thankfully, the town did have another inn – not as clean as the tavern they had been checked into before, but it would have to suffice until Hakkai awakened from his unconsciousness. It sure beat the hell out of sleeping on the floor somewhere in the wilderness.

After they had managed to carry the unconscious man up the stairs and put him into one of the rooms, Goku stayed behind to apply bandages to the various scrapes and burns the healer had suffered. Gojyo first was about to protest that he was sure as HELL not going to go shopping for new supplies alone, but the look in Kouryuu's eyes told him that he better keep his objections to himself.

"Get me a pack of cigarettes while you're at it", the blond man told him, and his glare seemed to say, '... or I'll rip you a new one.'

The half-demon bit back an angry response, remembering that it had been Kouryuu who had saved Hakkai out of the burning building while he had been standing there, too scared for his own ass to get his friend out of there himself... never mind that the former monk might still be toying with suicidal thoughts and hadn't really cared whether he died in the flames or not.

Instead, he simply nodded, and left.

* * *

When the red-haired half-youkai had finally taken his leave, Kouryuu entered Hakkai's room, just to see Goku finishing up his work by opening the window. A chair stood by the bed; the golden-eyed boy must have put it before bandaging their unconscious companion. 

'Strange', he reflected, 'it's always one chair by the bed... one of us sitting next to another...'

He had been on the bed, on the receiving end, more than once, and either Goku or Hakkai had been sitting on that chair... and yet, he had never tried to lend his support when one of the two had been injured before.

'Non-Attachment', the voice, which he had come to call his 'Sanzo-Voice', whispered in his head – and he brushed it aside. What did repaying a favor have to do with attachment?

"Goku", he addressed his charge, and the boy turned around to face him expectantly, "go after Gojyo and help him shop. I'll stay here until you two get back."

Golden eyes stared at him in puzzlement.

"Are you sure? He shouldn't be left unsupervised..."

The blond man felt his eyebrow twitch just once, annoyance rising up in him. How he longed for his harisen right now! But he had discarded it along with his robes, and it had stayed in the other inn, to be burned to ashes.

Goku, however, seemed to get the point by just looking at him.

"Um, okay, I'll be off then. See if you can give him a little water – the heat must have dried him out..."

And with that, the boy walked past him and out of the door, which closed a second later.

Kouryuu sat down on the chair and took a glass of water from the nightstand (Goku must have placed it there before he left). He lifted Hakkai's head off the pillow with his other hand, slowly poured some of the clear liquid into the slight gap between the parted lips. Then, he remembered what he had seen Hakkai do to Goku and Gojyo whenever they were unconscious, and used his thumb and index finger to softly push against two points below the jaw to stimulate the swallowing reflex.

After he had made the brunette youkai drink two or three sips of water, he put the glass back where he had found it and leaned back in the chair to study the still body on the bed.

"I'm sorry for what I said", he murmured softly, not even realizing it before the words had escaped his tongue. "I claimed the right to all the sorrow in the world because of what happened to me. I had no right to do so. You were right – I was being selfish. Forgive me."

A pale hand reached out to touch the Hakkai's hair, to caress his cheek...

'What the HELL am I doing!'

Eyes wide in shock about what he had done, Kouryuu pulled his arm back as if his hand had just been burned.

'Damn limiters – don't seem to block out every impulse the monster in me wants to give in to...'

He got up from the chair and walked over to the window, feeling his cheeks blush furiously. Behind him, the door opened – Gojyo and Goku were back with the supplies.

"Oy, Kouryuu, your cigarettes!", the red-haired kappa called out to him. A second later, he felt the pack snatched from his grip, then the door closed behind the blond man.

Gojyo exchanged a look with Goku.

"What's his problem now?"

The boy shrugged.

"Maybe he was just sick of being stuck in here. Why don't you stay here and watch Hakkai, and I go and order supper... don't worry, I won't get the whole menu!", he defended himself at Gojyo's amused grin. "Ah, Kouryuu has managed to get him to drink some water... good... hopefully, he will wake up soon."

The half-demon watched Goku leave, then took up his place on the chair next to the bed.

He longed for a smoke, but did not dare to pollute the air right next to his friend, who had been subjected to the noxious fumes of the burning building not even one hour earlier.

About fifteen minutes later, a rasping breath and a cough made him look over to the bed; Hakkai's eyes were open. Gojyo smiled down on his friend.

"Welcome back in the waking world, old pal. You gave us quite a scare there..."

"What happened...?", the brunette youkai managed to get out before a coughing fit grasped him. Gojyo reached for the glass on the nightstand and gave it to him.

"Here, have some water. It will help."

Hakkai gulped down about half of the water at once, coughed again and then settled for smaller sips. Finally, the glass was empty, and he gave it back before he repeated his question, with a voice that was still rough, yet much stronger than before.

"Something exploded in the inn, and you were knocked out. The building burned to the ground," the half-demon answered, the memories still vivid in his mind.

Green eyes rested upon him; he had his companion's full attention.

"The others... are they..."

Gojyo shook his head. "They're both okay, and that's a damn miracle. Kouryuu went in and got you out of there, although the inn was about to collapse... He saved your life."

"I see..."

Hakkai had been sitting up to drink and speak with Gojyo, but now he let his head sink back on the pillow. Kouryuu had risked his life to save him...?

'This dream... he was here, on the chair Gojyo is sitting on right now... he apologized... and then...'

The green-eyed youkai lifted his hand to his cheek, where a tingling sensation still spoke of the dream, the hand which had felt so surprisingly REAL...

"Are you okay?"

Gojyo's voice, filled with concern.

"Yes... or better yet, I will be. If you don't mind, I will go back to sleep... It should be about suppertime, why don't you join the others and have a bite to eat? I will be fine on my own for half an hour."

The half-youkai got up from the chair, but not before he had asked: "You sure?"

Hakkai nodded.

"I would appreciate it if you could bring me some of the food after you're done."

That got Gojyo to break into a grin.

"If I can save some of it from the monkey... I'll be back."

He strode over to the door and closed it behind him, leaving Hakkai alone to ponder over the strange dream, which had not been one.

* * *

Another chapter finished... as you can see, I'm taking it slowly! Please let me know your thoughts by means of the pretty purple thingy in the left corner... thanks! 


	9. Chapter 09

Hello there!

Well, here I am again, and I have a new chapter with me...

At this point a great big THANK YOU to Alex and Zelgadis55 for helping me out – now I've seen what Youkai Sanzo looks like, now my mind is at rest...

The first thought I had when I saw the pics was: "Male Deedlit from Hell" – so sorry, Sanzo, but those ears don't look good on you...

Oh, and a little note to one of the phrases in the last chapter. With the reference to the "monster within him", I did not want to imply that Sanzo is homophobic in any way, it's just a convenient way for him to wind himself out of the situation ;-)

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for details.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. If you want it, ask Minekura Kazuya, maybe she'll give it to you... (yeah, right)

CHAPTER 9

Early the following day, Kouryuu woke them up, urging them to move on.

"Who knows how soon they will attack us again," he said, and so, after a quick breakfast, the group boarded Hakuryuu, who had changed into the jeep. When Hakkai was about to take his place behind the steering wheel, he found his way barred by his blond companion.

"You're going to relax today", he told him in a tone that made clear that his decision was not negotiable. "Gojyo can drive for now."

Hakkai noticed that the former monk was carefully avoiding to look directly at him...

"Aww man, why don't you take over for a change?", the half-demon complained as he heard what Kouryuu had planned for him, only to invoke a frantic shake of the head from Goku. "Are you insane? Remember what happened the last time he tried to drive..."

Gojyo sent a gaze skyward as he remembered... back then, Sanzo had not managed to grasp the use of a clutch, and, refusing to admit to his problem, had caused Hakuryuu quite a bit of distress... after several failed attempts to put in a gear without making the engine stall and ominous rasping noises from the gearshift, Hakkai had taken over the driver's seat again... and the poor white dragon had had an upset stomach for more than a week.

And thus, the matter was settled. After everybody was on their seats and Gojyo had started Hakuryuu's engine, he hesitated to shift into a gear.

"Um, Kouryuu... I'm sorry to bring this up, but... where exactly should we go now? After all, we are not forced to go west anymore..."

The following silence threatened to suffocate them, until after a couple of minutes, they finally received an answer.

"Back east." The deep voice wavered a little at the following word. "Home."

* * *

The group continued on their way without interruptions for the better part of the day. They entered a small accumulation of trees by the time the sun was about to set, and were about to stop and set up camp, when an obstacle came into view – somebody had put a series of large boulders across the road. 

Gojyo's foot slammed on the brake, and he felt Kouryuu's body fall against the back of his seat. With screeching tires and in a large cloud of dust, the jeep stopped mere centimeters before the barricade. Hakuryuu's engine died with a blurb when Gojyo's foot slipped off the clutch, and for a moment, silence engulfed them.

"Well, well, well", a familiar voice came from the side of the road, "whom do we have here?"

A youkai stepped into view, red hair falling down his back, a red mark in the shape of a stylized flame adorning his left cheek. Kougaiji, son of Gyuumaoh. Along with him he had brought Yaone and Dokugakuji, his loyal followers.

Before the youkai prince could say anything more, Kouryuu used the opportunity to speak.

"Ah, Kougaiji. How nice of you to appear in person this time", he sneered. "Did you decide that cowardly bombings were not your style, after all?"

Their opponent shot the blond man a startled look; clearly, he had not expected this kind of greeting.

"What are you talking about?"

Now Goku decided to join the conversation.

"There was an attempt on our lives yesterday – somebody planted a bomb in the inn we were staying in. Do you want to deny that Yaone", an accusing finger pointed to the young youkai woman, "knows how to deal with explosives?"

"But I didn't...", the young woman stammered, her gaze fixed on Hakkai, her regular opponent, who sat on the passenger's seat, only to be silenced by a motion of Kougaiji's hand.

"We do not resort to such cowardly measures", the youkai prince responded, his voice as cold as his eyes. "Nor do we have a reason to lie to you about it. You should know that already."

That was true; while they sometimes utilized rather unusual methods in order to try and subdue them, Kougaiji's group had never practiced such cowardice – and there truly was no reason for them to be lying about trying to kill them. After all, the group in the jeep already knew that the youkai prince was after them and would stop them if he could.

"Very well", Kouryuu finally responded. "What do you want from us?"

Kougaiji grinned at the blond man.

"Ah, as if you didn't know, Genjo Sanzo... we want the Maten Sutra. Surrender it to us, or prepare to fight!"

His eyes widened when his opponent answered. "I don't have it anymore."

"Liar!", Kougaiji raged at first, only to take a closer look at the man he still knew as Sanzo.

He noticed that the monk's robes were gone, that the sutra, indeed, was not lying on the man's shoulders anymore... finally, his gaze fell upon the two tight-fitting golden bracelets on Kouryuu's wrists.

"So that's it", he murmured softly, and chuckled. "No wonder they took the sutra away from you..."

Tears of pure mirth were welling up in Kougaiji's eyes as his laughter began to resound off the trees.

"The mighty Genjo Sanzo... the feared youkai-killer... turned into one himself...", he managed to get out before another fit of laughter shook him. Dokugakuji's face featured a smirk, and even Yaone could not suppress a snicker.

Goku, who did not appreciate the amusement their enemies got out of his master's state, angrily lifted a hand, ready to summon Nyoibou, when pale fingers clamped down on his wrist. Kouryuu shook his head, his eyes fixed upon his feet. Clearly, he did not want his charge to intervene on his behalf.

Meanwhile, Kougaiji had managed to get a grip on himself, although his eyes still danced with silent laughter and his voice spoke of extreme amusement, as he mockingly bowed in front of the jeep.

"Well, it seems I must be off, then – to find the new carrier of the sutra", he grinned at them. "Farewell, Ex-Sanzo – and may your luck keep you out of the new bearer's way, so he doesn't accidentally use it on you!"

And with those words, he and his followers vanished.

* * *

There you go – Kougaiji's share in the fun ride ;-) Hope you enjoyed – please leave a review! 

I must go now to pet my kitty, Belldandy... she's already nibbling on my feet, in about five minutes, she'll start to bite...


	10. Chapter 10

Okay, here I am again, all powered up and ready to write another chapter!

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for reason.

Well, fasten your seatbelts – here we go again!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Saiyuki, and I do not make profit off this story.

CHAPTER 10

Four days had passed since the encounter with Kougaiji when the group finally reached another town. Everyone seemed to be relieved at the sight of the small roadside inn, but Hakkai was worried.

Since the youkai prince had left, Kouryuu had not only be avoiding him, but all of them. In the middle of the night, they routinely found him brooding next to the campfire. He didn't eat, he didn't talk. The healer had almost asked Gojyo and Goku to pay special attention to their friend's behavior, and to keep him from walking off alone – he had feared that another suicide attempt was possible.

'And now...? If the inn still has more than two free rooms, he will insist on having one to himself. This might be the opportunity he has been waiting for...'

Hakkai's prayers for an inn nearly booked solid were not answered. Nevertheless, he flashed his signature smile at the receptionist and took their keys, while Goku and Gojyo carried their bundles upstairs. And Kouryuu... he wordlessly strode by the brunette youkai, over to a table in the restaurant area, where he sat down and lit a cigarette

A faint rumble from outside did nothing to end his worries; obviously, a storm was coming...

'... and the rain is not going to help him cheer up, that much is for sure.'

Hakkai's anger at the blond man's behavior towards him had faded away by now; however, he was wondering whether Kouryuu had avoided him all this time at least partly because of their confrontation back in the last town.

'I need to talk to him – later...'

* * *

The evening meal was as normal as it could be without Kouryuu stopping the kappa and the monkey from fighting over the last dumpling. Hakkai sat at the table and smiled, determined not to show that he dreaded the later hours of this evening, when he would have to try and talk to the former monk again... he did not want to impose himself on him, but he felt that the matter needed to be taken care of – not only for the sake of peace between them, but also for his peace of mind. 

As expected, Kouryuu was the first to rise from his chair and go upstairs.

"Ah dammit, and I was looking forward to a game of Mah-jongg!", Gojyo yawned. "Oh well, I guess I'll go to bed – it's been a long day..."

And with that, he half-demon took his leave.

Goku, after ordering seconds of the three different dishes he had been eating on (Hakkai had not managed to keep the boy from it, as he had been lost in thought when the waitress had passed by their table and asked whether any one of them still needed anything) also sported a sleepy look on his face.

"Aaah, finally full again... now, it's nap time... see you for breakfast!"

Exit Goku.

Hakkai sighed.

'I guess it's time...'

He got up from his chair and began to climb the stairs to get to the four adjacent rooms they would be staying in tonight. It was quiet; the only noise that could be heard was that of rain drumming in a steady rhythm on the shingles of the roof.

As Hakkai had given out the keys, he knew which door to open to encounter the familiar sight: A dark room, the blond man standing by the window, the inevitable Marlboro in his hand.

"Kouryuu... may I come in?"

The only answer was a grunt, which usually translated into "I don't care".

'Permission received...'

The green-eyed youkai crossed the room to join his companion. Kouryuu gave no indication that he welcomed the presence of another person; he just kept staring out of the window, his eyes fixed on the partially obscured fullness of the moon.

They stood next to each other in silence for several minutes, watching the raindrops pass the window to collide with the ground below.

Finally, Hakkai began to speak.

"My... reaction when you tried to take your life... I'm sorry for it. I didn't mean for it to come out this way."

Kouryuu wordlessly shrugged, as if he wanted to say "Whatever..."

However, he still avoided Hakkai's gaze.

"Listen, Kouryuu", the brunette man tried again, "I know you are probably still mad at me for saving you, as well as for me telling you off. I don't know whether you can forgive me for my intrusion."

He thought of the odd dream he had had before waking up after the explosion in the inn...

"And... I have the feeling that you restrain yourself for our sake. You shouldn't have to. Don't deny yourself emotions – they are yours, they are natural. You do not have to be an example anymore. You are out of the lime light. It would make things easier... for you and for us."

That finally got the blond man to turn towards him. Violet eyes bored into green ones, held them. Hypnotized by that stare, Hakkai found himself unable look away...

... and then, suddenly, he felt Kouryuu's lips on his.

Life came back into the brunette youkai's body, his reflexes taking over. One hand drew back...

SLAP!

Finally, the eye contact was broken. Kouryuu turned away, as wordlessly as he had been all evening. One hand had reflexively wandered up to his cheek, where Hakkai's hand had left a faint red mark.

Eyes widened, blushing furiously, the healer took a step back.

"Kouryuu, I... "

His thoughts raced, desperate to find words, yet nothing came out of Hakkai's mouth.

'Did he just really...!'

'GODS, he DID really...!'

"I'm sorry..."

Abruptly, the brunette youkai turned around and strode towards the door, feeling those scrutinizing eyes on his back. His mind reeled with shock, embarrassment and impulses totally alien to him. Only one coherent thought remained.

'Must get out...'

The door closed behind Hakkai. The man he had known as Sanzo until recently turned back towards the window, still holding his cheek, while he lit another cigarette with his free hand.

* * *

We're starting to get somewhere... :g: 

Please review!


	11. Chapter 11

Hello guys'n'gals!

I'm back... with the unavoidable new chapter!

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. Reason in chapter 3.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Saiyuki, and I do not make money by writing about it.

CHAPTER 11

The following morning, the group boarded the transformed Hakuryuu again and set off towards the east. A strange feeling was in the air; Hakkai and Kouryuu refused to exchange any conversation – they even avoided looking at each other. Somehow, even Gojyo and Goku realized that something must have happened the night before, yet wisely chose not to mention the situation.

Gojyo, sitting in his regular spot behind Hakkai, who had taken over the steering wheel again, felt uneasy when he looked at the two figures up front, staring straight ahead.

'Did they pick up their argument where they left it the other day? If so, they were rather quiet about it – I didn't hear any yelling...'

Yes, Hakkai usually kept quiet, even if he was infuriated, but Kouryuu had never been one to deny himself a good old-fashioned bitching session at the top of his lungs.

'... He usually only stays quiet when he's REALLY pissed off... That's not good, not at all...'

Somehow, he was happy that Kouryuu's gun had been taken away – if he really had been that furious with Hakkai, he might have resorted to violence.

The half-youkai did not know that his thoughts went entirely into the wrong direction.

In fact, while driving, Hakkai's mind was awash with conflicting thoughts.

'What if I had given in? Dear Gods, I almost... And what then? We're both MEN... So what? As if THAT matters... Yes, it does. What would people think? What would Goku and Gojyo think? I've never had anything like that with another man... So? Who cares about what others think - and there's a first time for everything!... Besides, it wouldn't have been a serious thing. He most likely just wanted to prove to himself that he's alive, that he is free to do whatever he wants now... And if I'm wrong?... No, I'm not. And what would happen when – IF – we return home?... Don't think about it, it didn't happen, so don't sweat it... What if I actually DID want it to happen?... Then I wouldn't have slapped him... or would I?'

The two voices within him attacked and parried, fighting for supremacy, leaving him even more confused than he had been before his inner quarrel had started.

And Kouryuu? His thoughts formed a mantra, kept chanting 'Don't look back – no use...'

Goku, finally, did not waste time on unnecessary cerebral workouts – he was slightly worried about the silence between his two friends, but what was more important to him at the moment was that they had skipped BREAKFAST, the most important one of all of the regular seven meals that kept him going through the day...

Thus engulfed in their own thoughts, none of the group's members paid attention to the fact that the ground became rather uneven – and that the various bumps in the road did not look as though they were of natural origin.

They paid for it mere seconds later, when one of Hakuryuu's tires grazed one of the small mounds. The landmine exploded with earshattering noise, making the jeep tip over to the side. Small rocks sprayed up from the ground, ripping gaping wounds into the group's skin. Hakkai was hit the worst; a rather large chunk of stone collided with his forehead, rendering him unconscious. Unable to remain in his jeep form, Hakuryuu reverted back to his dragon form. He was hurt badly, as well. A large burn on his belly showed where the little white dragon had received the blow of the explosion.

And none of them were able to move. Was it just from their injuries, or was there something else...?

This question was answered rather quickly when a female voice said, "Don't even try to get up. You won't be able to – I have seen to that this time..."

Kouryuu had fallen so that he faced the wrong direction – he couldn't see who exactly the woman was. However, she didn't sound like Yaone, and definitely not like Lirin.

Goku and Gojyo, however had had more luck. The monkeylike boy was the first to identify the lady.

"Hey – aren't you the maid from that inn we stayed in before it was blown up?"

Thin lips curled into a grin.

"Very perceptive, boy. And if it hadn't been for this idiot over there", she glared at Kouryuu's back, "I would have reached my objective then and there."

Now Gojyo managed to speak.

"But Hakkai was the only one of us left in the building..."

Fangs showed as the demoness' grin widened.

"Oh, is that so? Why, I must have been after him then... After Cho Gonou, the man who murdered my father, whom you knew as Chin Yisou!"

Gojyo's eyes widened, and he started a futile attempt to free himself from the invisible bonds placed upon him. Out of the corners of his eyes, he could see Goku and Kouryuu fighting as well, with similar results.

Meanwhile, the woman, a spindly-thin demoness with a hard-looking, unattractive face and iridescent black hair, continued, her voice soft, as if caught in some sort of self-induced trance.

"After he turned his body into a shikigami, he came and took me from my mother, his mistress of many nights, to train me and prepare me as his last resort, should he fail to exact his revenge against his murderer. And now that he is gone, I will fulfill his last wish – to make Cho Gonou atone for his sins!"

"Cowardly... bitch!" A low rasp from Kouryuu.

High-pitched laughter, more than a trace of madness swinging with it.

"Call me names all you want, Sanzo-sama... or is it still Sanzo? I remember hearing something about him being dead, about you having changed... Tell me, man without title, how would you have liked to be ripped apart by the man you call your friend now? To see the madness in his eyes, knowing that soon, you would draw your last breath... Ah, it will be my pleasure to realize those thoughts, to watch your precious Hakkai rip your throats out, one by one, feasting on your pain... and if he ever recovers his sanity, there will be no way out for him anymore, he will kill himself, unable to bear his guilt – after all, it is so much easier to forget the enemies one has killed, but the friends one kills will forever sear one's memory..."

Footsteps, moving over to the still form of Hakkai. Three tinkling noises... the limiters the healer usually wore fell on the ground. A short glow of green – a Ki-Healing-Technique was being applied...

And then, a roar of pain and rage filled their ears.

Kouryuu suddenly found that he could move again. As fast as it was possible with all the injuries the blast had dealt him, he got to his feet, asking himself whether Yisou's daughter had vanished to leave them alone with the raging demon that was Hakkai, but saw that it was not so. In fact, the woman still stood nearby, smirking at him.

On the ground, the transformation of their pleasant and quiet healer took place. Youkai marks in the form of a vine pattern wove their way over the skin of the hands, the face... green eyes, eerily catlike with their slitted pupils, focused... lips peeled back to show fangs in a snarl... fingers flexed, their nails transformed into claws...

And then, it was done. Slowly, the youkai got up. A feral grin appeared on his face when his eyes fell upon Kouryuu.

The blond man, knowing that it was probably useless, tried to divert his opponent's attention.

"Hakkai... you don't really want to kill me! The real enemy is over there!"

Cackling laughter escaped Yisou's daughter again.

"Do you really think I am that stupid? He cannot see me, my talismans take care of that... He only sees you and your two incapacitated friends. I'm afraid you will have to try and fight him – or watch the redhead and the boy being slain by the monster they called 'friend'. Decide fast – he is about to attack!"

Kouryuu sighed. It had been worth a try. He would have to get the limiters off the floor, and then...

That was how far he got with his thoughts when the movement of air next to him told him that Hakkai's attack had begun. He jumped back, narrowly avoiding the youkai's claws.

The other man grinned at him.

'Content like a cat toying with its prey...', he thought.

Then, the true fight began.

* * *

I hope that this idea doesn't have too long of a beard yet... it seemed like a good idea when I wrote the outline... Please leave a review, even if you want to flame me for being uncreative... 


	12. Chapter 12

05.04.2005: Comments to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for reason.

DISCLAIMER: Still not mine, and never will be. Send Fan Letters to Kazuya Minekura, and tell her to never stop expanding on Saiyuki!

CHAPTER 12

The youkai woman who had introduced herself as the daughter of Chin Yisou watched as the murderer tried to tear his claws through his comrade's flesh, the blond man not yet fighting in earnest, but dodging, blocking, as if hopeful that his friend would be able to regain enough common sense to recognize him and stop his assault.

It would not happen.

She stood nearby, smiling. Finally, revenge was imminent.

A small voice in her head, easy to ignore after years of practice, whispered, 'Is this truly what you want, Hari?'

Hari... her name had been Hari once, long ago – before her sire had come to her, to ask her if she wanted to join him, leave her mother's house... she had accepted, and liquid red on the entrance door's threshold had told her that it would not have made a difference anyway, had she refused...

Over the years, he had taught her a great many things, most of which were either supposed to bewitch or destroy. She had excelled in mixing together explosive powders and liquids from things commonly found in nature – and in using charmed gems to control people's senses, their responses...

Thus educated, her teacher had ordered her to wait in a certain region, to bide her time until her target showed up, a target described everyday, with a voice full of venom... She had done as she had been told, having to live among humans, weak and pathetic creatures, until either Yisou or the target would arrive where she was. If the target did arrive first, she was to assume that her father had been defeated.

And that was what had happened. It had been easy to recognize him, the murderer, and she had been watching him relentlessly until now. Now, the time for payback had come.

She decided to grace the voice, which oddly sounded like that of the woman who had born her, with a silent answer.

'Yes, this is what I want. This is what I have waited for... he will pay!'

She had been very careful in the creation of the particular amulets she wore right now – one provided the convenient binding spell, which had enabled her to paralyze the men, leaving them defenseless victims for the murderer, while the other one was able to fool everybody emanating youryoku into being unable to see her by creating a special barrier. The limiters could override the effect by containing the demonic power within the body – but that was nothing to worry about in her eyes.

At first, all she had intended to do was witness Gonou killing his incapacitated friends, but the idea of a futile fight to bring his companions' torture to a peak had intrigued her - and why not? The former Sanzo had to deal with his friend before he could even think about trying to attack her, and Yisou's daughter doubted that he would be able to subdue Gonou in his demonic form...

* * *

Meanwhile, Kouryuu had a hard time avoiding the continous swipes of clawed hands, trying to connect with his body and rip into it. 

'Gods, he is even faster than usual...'

And for the first time since his transformation, he felt vaguely grateful, for his new condition provided him with the speed and stamina necessary to survive the lightning-quick attacks

'I would feel much more comfortable if I still had the sutra to bind him, though...'

Thinking this, he did not manage to jump sideways in time, and first blood was spilt – four deep parallel gashes had opened up on his upper arm, right below the shoulder, where Hakkai had used his opportunity and taken another swing.

Clenching his teeth together in pain, he barely managed to avoid the follow-up which had been aimed for his throat. Hakkai's grin had become a fixture of madness upon the brunette youkai's face; sinister glee danced in his eyes as he looked into his opponent's face.

"Hakkai... I don't want to hurt you, but you leave me no choice..."

Kouryuu had barely uttered the warning when he realized how ridiculous it sounded. How was he planning to hurt the youkai?

A wild cackle behind him told him of Yisou's daughter's amusement.

Continuing to dodge his companion's attacks, a thought formed in his mind.

'Fight fire with fire...'

It was the only way.

He began to pry on his limiters...

Goku, who was still lying on the floor off to the side and saw what the former monk was up to, tried to stop him.

"Kouryuu – don't!"

The blond man ducked under a kick that was aimed for his face, paid no attention to his charge's protests. Finally, the first bracelet loosened... and fell off his wrist.

A great surge of power rushed through his body, and he got out of Hakkai's reach with renewed vigor. Red haze began to cloud his vision, and he welcomed it.

"Put that thing back on, Kouryuu!"

Gojyo's voice, clearly close to a panic. This time, he took the time to answer, noting the snarl in his voice with mild surprise.

"I can incapacitate them both if I do this... once you can move again, take me out!"

Without waiting for a response, he pulled on his second limiter. This time, taking it off was infinitely easier.

And then...

Kouryuu felt the transformation begin, the process which painfully forced his hands, his face, his ears into a different shape. Suddenly, the slightest noise was loud as thunder, the rush of blood in his body was a raging river, the pounding of his heart the voice of the gods' wrath. The red haze before his eyes tinged everything, and the only thought left to him was 'kill!'...

* * *

I had planned for this to be longer, but I personally think it is a good point to leave it at for tonight (as I also have the feeling that the stuff I wanted to include will provide enough material for yet another chapter... and as I love to leave this at cliffhangers – in ensures me an audience ;-) ). 

Let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for details.

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki isn't mine. I don't make profits from it, so please don't sue.

CHAPTER 13

Horrified and awestruck at the same time, Goku and Gojyo watched the duel between their two companions begin in earnest. As Kouryuu was totally unrestrained now, his attacks were at least as vicious as Hakkai's; there seemed no way that both of them would survive this fight without serious injuries. A terrifying ballet of two natural forces, green and violet eyes shining with bloodlust...

The blond youkai was the one to land the next hit; with a speed that matched Hakkai's, his claws tore bloody lines across the other's chest, who snarled in pain and anger.

And all the while, Yisou's daughter stood nearby, her binding charm rendering the boy and the halfbreed immobile, laughing gleefully.

* * *

There was no name, no companions, no title, no remorse – he was himself, and he was out to kill his opponent, to see the flow of life run out of him, standing out sharply against the brighter red that dominated his vision. 

A bellow of rage escaped him when the OTHER MAN managed to kick him, bring him down; but in a split second, he was on his feet again, and the clawed hand meant for his face punched the ground instead. It sounded like mountains collapsing to his painfully sensitive ears.

And this annoying shriek from behind him... he could not see the source of the continous sound that drilled into his head, yet he desperately wanted it to stop...

He grabbed the OTHER MAN's foot, pulled it up to make him lose his balance, and was about to jump on top of him to finally deliver the killing blow he longed for... But the high-pitched noise in his back irritated him, vexed him beyond measure. He would not be able to enjoy his victory like this!

Growling low in his throat, he pivoted in a blur of speed, his hearing seeking out the source of his annoyance. There it was – he could not see it, but it was definitely close...

He punched through empty mist with his claws, and was rewarded with a short cry and blessed silence afterwards...

However, his opponent had not done him the favor to stay on the ground, as he felt moments later, when pointed talons marked his back with deep cuts...

* * *

Hari never saw the attack coming. One moment, she was revelling in the knowledge that, after years of preparation, justice would finally be served, in the next, she felt her ribcage shatter, pieces of bone piercing her lungs... the force of the blow threw her back, her mouth filled with the metallic taste of her own blood; darkness tried to drown out her consciousness. 

'Must... stay... alive... long enough...'

She held on to her anger, her RAGE about what the murderer had done to her sire, to keep herself conscious. Just a few more minutes, then the fight would be decided... if she died now, the charms would lose their effect, and the other two men would be able to subdue their friends, save them from each other. The blood price had to be paid – she would not give up until one of the two raging youkai would be dead...

* * *

Goku and Gojyo witnessed the woman going down, a gaping hole gushing blood in her chest where Kouryuu had struck her, and began to struggle against their invisible chains with renewed hope. However, the force that held them was as strong as before; aside from eyes and mouths, no movement was possible. 

Meanwhile, their friends fought near the spot where Hakkai's limiters still lay on the floor, dully reflecting the sunlight. The two fighters' speed had diminished somewhat; it seemed that both of them began to tire.

Finally, Kouryuu managed to grab Hakkai's arm and held it while he delivered a kick to his stomach; gasping, the brunette youkai's knees buckled for a second, and he was pushed down on the ground until he was lying on his back, his wrists clamped together above his head by one of his opponent's hands. A devilish smile appeared on Kouryuu's face as he lifted his other hand to bring it down on his prey, sever the throat...

Frantically, Gojyo called out: "Kouryuu, NO!"

No response – and no way to save Hakkai from the monster their blond companion had become...

Goku, however, had an idea. Instead of calling out his master's new name, he called on the person he had been before his change.

"Sanzo! GENJO SANZO! Don't hurt him! This is Hakkai, remember? A friend!"

For a moment, nothing seemed to happen. Then, Kouryuu's face turned towards him, his hands still firmly pressing the bucking Hakkai to the ground, and... was that a glimmer of recognition in those violet eyes?

"Goku..."

'He REALLY recognizes me!', the boy rejoiced for a moment, before getting back to the matter at hand.

"Sanzo... Hakkai's limiters... they're lying right next to you... put them back on him!"

More success; clawed fingers relaxed, and the hand so ready to kill mere seconds ago was lowered to feel for the earcuffs lying close by. Searching fingers found their target, closed around the limiters...

"Good, good!", Goku encouraged while Gojyo watched in awe - the monkey had managed to defeat inherent bloodlust and minus wave in his appeal to Kouryuu's old self.

"Now put them back on his ear!"

It seemed hard for the blond youkai to fumble the little metal objects open with only one clawed hand, especially since Hakkai did not stop struggling under him. Finally, the first limiter snapped back into place.

The brunette man under him roared; clearly, he did not want to be restrained, confined within the politeness of the healer again. Hands began to wind themselves out of his opponent's grasp...

The second limiter was in place and Kouryuu was about to snap it shut when one of Hakkai's hands managed to escape his hold. Like daggers, claws drove into his chest, dealing him a wound almost identical to the one he had given Yisou's daughter. Again, the sickening crunch of splintered ribs being driven into softer tissue below could be heard.

And Hakkai's lips peeled back in a grin.

"KOURYUU!"

Gojyo and Goku had shouted simultaneously; the monkeylike boy's cheeks shone with tears. This was it, his master, his companion, his friend would die right before his eyes, and he had been unable to prevent it...

The second limiter on Hakkai's left ear had snapped shut almost at the same time the death blow had been dealt; hands weakening with pain and blood loss, Kouryuu nevertheless managed to finish his assignment. With a 'CLICK' somewhat louder than the two others, the third limiter closed...

... and Hakkai, back to his old self, found himself lying on the floor, his hand, now only adorned with normal fingernails instead of claws, still half-buried in Kouryuu's chest. The catlike pupils of the blond youkai's violet eyes were dilated, blood ran out of his mouth, and his voice, so unlike and yet so similar to his normal low timbre, managed to rasp two syllables before his eyelids fluttered shut and he rolled limply off the healer's body.

"Hak...kai..."

Green eyes widened in horror.

'What have I done...?'

And Hari, known only as "Yisou's Daughter" to the companions, whispered, "Justice... has been...served...", before her soul willingly fled into the darkness awaiting it, taking her magic with it.

* * *

There you go! Gods, I have to stop mauling those poor guys... ah, but it's sooo much fun! 

Comments appreciated!


	14. Chapter 14

Hello minna!

Here I am again! As I have a lot of comments to answer, I better start... But first, special thanks to Zelgadis55, who betaed the last chapter and eliminated any errors and weird-sounding words before I updated the story ;-)

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 for details.

Okay, and now on with the story...

DISCLAIMER: All praise to Minekura Kazuya for giving us four yummy guys to slobber over ;-) Not mine, I'm just borrowing.

CHAPTER 14

Blood.

A lot of it, dripping off his hands, its sickening metallic smell making him dizzy.

"What have I done...?"

A still body lying next to him on the ground, tousled blond hair hiding the face of the youkai he had once known as Genjo Sanzo.

For a moment, he was sure that Kouryuu was dead. Without him realizing it, a single tear ran out of an emerald eye, flowing down a cheek smudged with dirt and blood.

'I have killed him... his blood is still on my hands...'

This fact was all the more horrifying because, on some level, he had known what he was doing all the time, yet had been unable to stop himself...

While Hakkai stared at the hand that he had found stuck deep in Kouryuu's chest mere seconds ago, a hand dyed completely red, Goku and Gojyo were finally able to move again. The boy was the first to kneel down next to the blond man, while Gojyo put one hand on his friend's shoulder in consolation. The healer looked up to him, found the half-demon blinking rapidly, as if to chase off tears welling up unbidden in his eyes.

"It's not your fault", the red-haired man said in a voice that had to be forced to sound steady. "He knew what could happen, and he refused to listen to us..."

Gojyo seemed about so say some more when Goku shouted, "Hakkai... he's still alive!"

A sudden, wild hope washed over the guilt-ridden brunette. Exhausted though he was, he forced himself to turn around to what he had assumed was nothing but a lifeless shell, an empty vessel without soul, and saw that the monkeylike boy was right. Slowly, very faintly, and through blood that was slowly drowning him, Kouryuu somehow still managed to breathe.

However, the damage was extensive, there was very little time left, and he was so tired...

Nevertheless, he had to try and save the man that had forfeited his own life to save Hakkai.

The healer stretched out his hands, over the terrible wound he himself had caused, and began channeling every bit that was left of his own energy into his companion. He staggered under the effort, but there was no way he would give up, no way he would bear another death of one dear to him on his mind...

Gojyo's voice reached his ear from very far away...

"Hakkai, stop! You can't save him, you will only prolong his agony... and possibly kill yourself!"

Another voice answering, hoarse, shaky. His own.

"I... won't... let... him... die!"

A hand on his shoulder, trying to turn him around, to break the flow of life energy between the healer and the one to be healed.

"Stop this folly right now! You're insane!"

Hakkai struggled out of the kappa's grip.

"NO! I WON'T!"

Goku's face, smeared with tears, a sad, yet brave smile on his face.

"Hakkai... I don't want to lose him either... In fact, I don't know how to go on without him, he has always taken care of me... but Gojyo is right. You can't save him. Let him go."

The healer shook his head, tears flowing out of his own eyes freely now. Didn't they understand that he would never be able to live with his guilt if he stopped now?

"I will save him... I HAVE to save him... All my fault..."

And more of his own Ki poured into Kouryuu, trying to mend bones and tissue, yet it did so little, so little...

* * *

At this point in time, in Tenkai Kanzeon Bosatsu slammed her fist down on the Shogi-Board in front of her, sending the pieces flying so that Jiroushin had to dive for cover. 

"That's enough. The old baboon can show Konzen how pissed he is with him as much as he wants, but I will not have him die like this!"

Jiroushin, trying to recover from her outburst, shook his head in disbelief.

"Tentei was quite clear about the proceedings, Kanzeon Bosatsu-sama. The group is to be left to their own devices, and you are supposed to search for a suitable new candidate to bear the sutra, to defeat Gyuumaoh..."

Kanzeon harrumphed at that.

"Of course, Jiroushin. Would you please try and recall how successful the search was so far?"

Her subordinate lowered his eyes at the Merciful Goddess' tone. Truth be told, no one so far had been able to fullfill the requirements to finish the assignment – an indomitable spirit, unequaled abilities to fight. Though disobedient to the point of outright insubordination, Genjo Sanzo had been their best bet.

Kanzeon Bosatsu, reasonable sure she knew what was going on in Jiroushin's mind, continued without waiting for an answer.

"I am bending the order to suit my taste. Konzen, though youkai, is still to be considered a possible person to finish the assignment, as nobody else has been found yet – and thus, I see it as my duty to keep him alive until a replacement is available."

With that, she vanished...

...to appear again not far from where the reincarnation of her nephew was lying on the ground, his totally exhausted companion Tenpou, or Hakkai, still trying to repair the gaping wound in Konzen's chest. One of her eyebrows raised, Kanzeon noticed that the youkai version of Genjo Sanzo was quite a sight to behold... if he wasn't still her nephew, sort of, she might...

'No time for this, old girl...'

She stepped closer, and two pairs of eyes, red and golden, fell upon her.

"Merciful Goddess!"

Goku, the child that was Konzen's charge. She flashed the boy a quick smile and then knelt down next to the brunette healer, who clearly was on the verge of collapse.

"Cho Hakkai, preserve your life force. You will need it to recover yourself. I shall take care of your comrade."

The green blow of Ki engergy faded as the man let out a sigh of relief, and for a moment, Kanzeon could see into his heart. Unnoticed, her eyes widened for a split second, but then, she decided to think about what she had learned once Konzen was out of danger.

Well-manicured hands stretched out over the injured chest again, this time belonging to a Goddess...

The flash of Ki was blinding. When the Kanzeon Bosatsu dropped her hands, the wound was closed, a large, ragged scar the only reminder of what had happened. Kouryuu's eyes, however, stayed shut.

"I repaired the damage, but he has lost a lot of blood... Oy, redhead!"

Gojyo cringed; he somehow had the feeling he wouldn't like whatever the Merciful Goddess wanted from him.

"Yes?"

Suddenly, she was standing right in front of him, although he had not seen her get up.

"I'll need some of your blood to fill him up a little bit again..."

Red eyes narrowed.

"Not again..."

But before he could finish his protests, he felt Kanzeon Bosatsu's lips on his, and he felt his strength draw out of him.

Kanzeon gave him a sly smirk when she broke the contact, and walked back over to the blond youkai on the ground.

There, she repeated the procedure, and the marble whiteness of Kouryuu's face filled with a somewhat healthier color. At the same time, her hands grasped for his wrists, and when she pulled them back, the limiters were in place again. At once, the unconscious man's features changed back to human proportions.

Task accomplished, the Goddess got up and dusted off her knees.

"There, all better. He will have to rest for quite some time, so it will be important for you to find a place to stay for the night. If I'm not mistaken, the next town lies a couple of hours in that direction", she pointed toward the east.

"Thank you..."

Hakkai's voice, no more than a whisper.

"But Goddess", Goku now chimed in. He held the still wounded Hakuryuu in his arms, who had been lying in a thicket a couple of feet away. "He is wounded, he won't be able to carry us."

A grin appeared on Kanzeon's face.

"It that the only other problem? Very well..."

Another flash, and the small white dragon 'kyuu'ed in surprise at the pain having vanished. No burn blemished his belly anymore, not even a scar was left.

The Goddess nodded, satisfied with her work, and turned around. "I must go now. Take better care of yourself from now on."

She started walking away from the four men, chuckling softly. So Hakkai had not been all that appalled at Konzen's advance on him, huh? Well, well, now that everything was back to the way it should be, she would be watching them with renewed interest, hopeless romantic that she was...

After a few steps, Kanzeon Bosatsu began to fade away until only thin air remained, as the Merciful Goddess returned to the heavens.

* * *

A warning: people who cringe at the thought of Sanzo/Hakkai might want to skip the next chapter, 'cause that's what it will almost completely be... 

Comments appreciated!


	15. Chapter 15

Hello!

Here my newest update.

IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOT THE ANNOUNCED SHOUNEN-AI-CHAPTER!

I found that the planned chapter turned out to be very long for my standards, so I split it up... shounen-ai-warning in the next chapter!

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See why in chapter 3.

DISCLAIMER: It's still not mine, and probably never will be. Praise to Minekura Kazuya for those four intriguing main characters!

CHAPTER 15

Kouryuu was dead. Genjo Sanzo was dead.

He heard Goku's wails of anguish, saw Gojyo turn away and break his way through the thickets, into the woods, where he undoubtedly would try to deal with his grief by himself. It had always seemed as though their was no love lost between him and the blond man, but Hakkai knew it to be a mere facade. He stared down at his hands, tainted with blood, saw the still body on the floor, in a puddle of red...

"NO!"

Hakkai's eyes opened wide as he sat up, still shaken by his nightmare. Goku and Gojyo, who had been sitting on two chairs, one next to each one of the two beds in the small room, stared at him and the boy asked, "Hakkai, are you alright?"

The brunette youkai's breathing slowed when he remembered... Kanzeon had brought Kouryuu back when all had seemed lost, and he was now lying on the bed on the opposite side of the small inn chamber, breathing normally, sleeping.

After the Goddess had vanished, Goku and Gojyo had carried their blond companion to the transformed Hakuryuu, had helped Hakkai on the passenger seat of the jeep and Gojyo had driven them to the next town. He did not remember much after that...

"I am fine", he answered the concerned boy's question quietly. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Three days", the half-youkai sitting at his bedside answered. "You were totally exhausted when we arrived, we had to help you up the stairs to our rooms... then, you just collapsed on the bed and slept."

Green eyes wandered over to the other bed again.

"Has he been awake yet?"

Gojyo shook his head.

"Yesterday, though, he started mumbling unintelligible stuff in his sleep; we figure he'll come around soon."

Hakkai nodded in acknowledgement and began to swing his legs out of the bed to stand up.

"Uh, you sure you should try that yet?" Goku's voice again, from Kouryuu's bedside.

The brunette man nodded. "I am fine now... and, as the resident healer, I want to check how my patient is doing."

He felt a small bout of vertigo when he got up from the bed, but that was only natural – he had been lying on his back for three consecutive days, after all. He made his way over to the other bed, pulled back the blanket and let his trained eyes wander over Kouryuu's bare chest.

Kanzeon Bosatsu's intervention had closed the mortal wound directly above the solarplexus, and nothing but scar tissue remained of it, but there were various cuts and scrapes the Goddess had left unaddressed; Hakkai noted, satisfied, that those had been properly cleaned and bandaged.

"I patched him up", Goku admitted next to him. "I hope I didn't do anything wrong..."

The healer smiled down on him.

"Don't worry, Goku – it looks as though you did just fine."

He noticed the dark rings under the boy's eyes; clearly, Goku had not left the room to sleep or eat, as he was prone to do when his master got injured. A quick glance over to Gojyo told him a similar story.

'They must have been extremely worried – I don't even smell smoke...'

Had the kappa totally forgotten about his craving for nicotine for three whole days?

"I see that, while taking care of us, you two have neglected yourself instead... has anyone of you two had anything to eat in the last 24 hours?"

Two blank stares, then two heads shaking their denial.

Hakkai sighed in not entirely mocked exasperation.

"If you don't have us around to look after you... the two of you will go out there right now and get something to eat. Gojyo, while it is nice that you refrained from smoking in here, I figure your addiction should drive you crazy about now, so go and have a smoke. And afterwards, you two will sleep for at least six hours. We've had enough problems as of late, and you collapsing on me is something I would like to prevent..."

The typical Hakkai-Smile shone on his face as he ushered the two perplexed companions out of the room.

"I will be able to stay awake for a while; if, for some reason, I can't manage anymore, I will wake one of you up. Your room is right next to this one, as usual, right? ... Very well, have fun!"

And the door to the room closed behind them.

Goku and Gojyo exchanged a look.

"Um... do you really think Hakkai is only worried about us?", the monkeylike boy finally asked.

The kappa shook his head. "I don't think so. There has been some sort of... argument going on between the two, I'm sure you still remember..."

Goku thought about it, then he nodded. "Before that woman attacked us, they didn't talk to each other anymore... So, you think Hakkai wants to talk it over with him again once he wakes up?"

Gojyo shook a crumpled pack of cigarettes out of his vest pocket. "Yeah. That – and I am sure Hakkai still feels bad about what he did to Kouryuu, and somehow feels he has to make up for it, otherwise he'll keep having nightmares about it – 'cause that's what I think he did dream about just before he woke up. It should be okay to leave them alone for a while, now that he's up and about again."

"Good..." A whiny note crept into Goku's voice. "Because I'm hungry..."

The half-youkai grinned. "Well, that is a problem that has to be addressed immediately – follow me, we're going out for something to eat!"

The two companions walked down the hallway towards the staircase.

* * *

Yeah, I know I'm cruel, but I can't help it... 

Again Warning: The next chapter WILL have the shounen-ai part!

Please review!


	16. Chapter 16

Hello!

Okay, here it is, the chapter with, so far, the most shounen-ai-content. Know that it is rather mild, as I opted against going into detail any more (after all, this IS my first story of that nature). In the next story, I might go further, but for now, this will be it.

Special Thanks again to Zelgadis55, who betaed this chapter!

05.04.2005: Answers to reviews removed. See chapter 3 if you want to know why.

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki is not mine. It's property of Minekura Kazuya.

CHAPTER 16

Hakkai's sigh was not one of relief when he finally heard two pairs of feet make their way away from the door and down the inn's hallway. Silence filled his head with invisible weight as he sat down on the chair that had been occupied by Goku just minutes ago.

Green eyes wandered over the still form in front of him, a chest only partly obstructed by a bandaged arm, the outline of slim, muscular legs under the blanket; then, back to the face, eyes closed, features oddly peaceful in sleep.

The brunette man felt scared and confused. What would Kouryuu's reaction be, should he wake up and find him at his bedside, after what he had done to him? And then, there was still the matter that had been left unaddressed before the attack... the kiss, the responding slap... and the fear that his confusion had been the cause for his actions while his limiters had been removed.

"Is that it?" he whispered, his voice barely audible to himself. "Have I been so confused that I tried to kill you? I remember... my confusion angered me, and I wanted to remove its source... How could I have lost control like that...?"

He got up again, wandered through the room aimlessly, the sound of his own voice soothing his nerves.

"I hope you will believe me that I did not want this to happen... If not for Kanzeon Bosatsu, you would be dead... I tried to save you, but I couldn't..."

His eyes fell on the sleeping blond again, and he could not deny any longer that the body in front of him held a mesmerizing attraction to him.

'But... why did I resort to violence when he kissed me? If I was truly attracted to him, why didn't I give in right then and there?'

In the silence of the room, with nothing to interrupt his thoughts, he finally found the answer within himself.

'I didn't want to feel used, didn't want to be discarded afterwards... I can't share kisses and more for one night, quick pleasure with nothing to follow...'

The voice of his denial reared up its head at that thought. 'Whoa, Hakkai, slow down... you aren't contemplating a relationship here, right? This is Kouryuu, SANZO, we're talking about here...'

Kouryuu had been the one to offer the kiss, not him.

The voice was not about to give up that easily. 'So? I bet one night was all he had in mind at that time. Stop dreaming and face reality!'

Hakkai chose to ignore it. The one person who could answer all his questions was not himself, it was the blond man who lay on the bed in front of him.

He sat back down on the chair.

"What are you doing to me?"

He wasn't aware of the fact that he had voiced his thoughts aloud until his own words reached his ears.

"Why... why am I thinking these things? Ever since that night, my mind is in an uproar, I can't determine how to think of you, how to react to your presence..."

He buried his face in his hands for a brief moment...

And when he looked up again, he saw violet eyes gazing back at him.

* * *

Kouryuu's mind had drifted slowly towards the bright light of consciousness when he heard Hakkai's voice starting to speak softly next to him. After he had heard the other man's thoughts on why he had tried to kill him, he had been about to open his eyes and announce that he was awake... but then, Hakkai began to talk once more. 

"What are you doing to me? Why... why am I thinking these things? Ever since that night, my mind is in an uproar, I can't determine how to think of you, how to react to your presence..."

Gods, that sounded as though Hakkai's thoughts were still dominated by the... incident... that had happened days ago, when he had given in to his impulses.

He finally decided to open his eyes, and his gaze fell upon the brunette man sitting on a chair next to his bed, his face buried in his palms. Hakkai's chest was bare, as was his own, and several small bandages marked the wounds he had dealt him during their fight. He remembered almost everything that had happened... the horrible moment when he had been about to kill Hakkai in pure bloodlust, and Goku's voice, half in his ears, half in his head, had barely managed to break through the red veil of rage... the moment when a sharp pain in form of Hakkai's claws stabbed into his chest, shattering his ribcage, and his breathing was drowned in his own blood...

Now, the healer looked up again, and green eyes met his own. They contemplated each other silently for a long moment, Hakkai's eyes slightly widened with obvious nervousness. Then, Kouryuu spoke.

"Do not blame yourself for what happened during the fight. I... am sorry to have confused you."

Another long silence.Then, Hakkai's voice, quiet, sad.

"I have to take responsibility for my actions. I would have killed you if it hadn't been for the Goddess... and I don't have Goku's excuse. When I am changed, I still partly know what I am doing... and I wasn't strong enough to prevent it."

The healer almost felt the violet stare upon him harden.

"I know what it feels like now, Hakkai. You couldn't do a thing... Do you remember that I tried to kill you, and would have, if it hadn't been for Goku?"

The brunette looked up, shook his head. THAT particular detail he couldn't find in his memory.

A sigh came from the bed. "I... had you pinned on the ground, and was about to rip out your throat, finish it... I... rejoiced in all the blood I saw, looked forward to seeing more of it... and then, the monkey spoke to me in my head, reminded me who it was that I was about to kill, who I was... Goku saved your life at this very moment. I remember... I felt relieved to know who I was again... and yet there was regret for not having gone through with it... "

Hakkai saw his own guilt reflected back on him by the other's eyes; now it was his turn to sigh.

Kouryuu, however, was not finished yet.

"Both of us bear the same guilt, in more ways than one... maybe we should, I quote, 'heed our own advice for once'."

That actually got Hakkai to chuckle softly. "You are right. We should let it go – it is a thing of the past, and we can't change it anymore. Well, I shall lie back down for now..."

He was about to get up from his chair when Kouryuu's voice called him back.

"Hakkai – there is... something else... we need to talk about."

The brunette froze in his movements. Somehow, he had hoped that the blond man on the bed had forgotten – but he was right, the matter needed to be addressed, before even more troubles grew out of it.

Obediently, he sat back down, avoiding Kouryuu's eyes. How was he going to get through this particular conversation...?

The blond man, again, was the first to speak.

"You said... that you don't know how to react to my presence anymore... I was under the impression that you had made your choice the very same night."

The slap resounded loudly in Hakkai's mind in an endless loop.

"No!" The word burst out of him, making one of Kouryuu's eyebrows rise as the former monk waited for an explanation.

"No," the brunette man repeated softly, "it wasn't my choice... it was a reflex, done before I had time to think... once again, I did not know what I was doing."

The other eyebrow rose to meet the other in genuine surprise.

"Are you saying that – you were not angry, or disgusted, because of what I did?"

Hakkai smiled. "I wasn't angry, much less disgusted. What I felt was... fear, that it wasn't you who tried to kiss me, but your instincts taking over, you merely trying to prove something to yourself... I feared being used."

Silence.

Kouryuu stared at the other man incredulously. He had expected a lot of things, but not that being used had been the only worry Hakkai had harbored that night.

He had been thinking about the very same question for days – had he merely wanted to use him? Was there truly nothing else?

Now, when he looked at the brunette, who still smiled at him, a desperate expression in those magnificent green eyes, he finally understood his own feelings.

"What if that wasn't my intention?"

It was Hakkai's turn to stare when Kouryuu uttered this question, with an odd warmth in his voice. Should he believe him? He wanted to believe him...

"Are you... sure about this?" No explanations necessary, this was it, the question that would change the way they dealt with each other forever, no matter the outcome.

Hakkai started for a moment when he felt a hand grasp hold of his own. He looked down, into Kouryuu's face. A quiet smile lit up the blond man's features, violet eyes hypnotizing him just as they had once before. He had received his answer.

"What about you?"

The question turned back upon him, Hakkai only hesitated for the slightest moment before responding.

"I am, as well..."

When their lips met this time, shyly at first, neither of them was intent on ending the contact... Hands moved out, exploring, reveling in the feeling of silken skin and the occasional scar under the touching fingertips...

... And finally confusion fled, mental wounds that had been bleeding for days healed, to be replaced by the feeling of being fulfilled by each other.

* * *

Oooookay, here it is... :dives for cover: Please leave a review (and, in case you hate it, a virtual rotten tomato...)! 


	17. Chapter 17

Hello friends!

Here the next chapter – the next one will be the last in this story, although I am not averse to writing some companion pieces and maybe even a sequel.

05.04.2005: Answers to reviewers removed. See chapter 3 for reason.

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya, and I owe her eternal thanks for creating those interesting (and absolutely GORGEOUS) characters.

CHAPTER 17

When Jiroushin found the Goddess of Mercy, to tell her that the crisis session of Tentei's court was already in session, he found her sitting in her regular chair, staring into nothingness, a blissful smile on her face.

"Kanzeon Bosatsu, we have to leave right now... Tentei is waiting for a report from you! Kanzeon Bosatsu...?"

No reaction whatsoever, just this dreamy smile... Jiroushin concentrated, trying to find out what she was looking at – and blushed a brilliant shade of red.

"Kanzeon Bosatsu, how can you look at this... rather private moment between those two men!"

Now, finally, her eyes focused and turned to her subordinate. The smile, however, did not leave her face.

"Jiroushin, old boy, don't you just love happy endings? Those two are just sharing theirs... and my, are they enthusiastic about it!"

His blush darkened. "I still don't see how you can watch them while they are... well, doing what they are doing. It is rather inappropriate."

That got the Goddess to laugh. "Don't be so stiff, Jiroushin – you need a ladyfriend, you know? Anyway, I gather this is not why you came. What did you want to tell me?"

Her subordinate drew in a deep breath, trying to banish the pictures he had just seen from his mind, along with his embarrassment.

"The crisis court session has begun half an hour ago. You are expected to deliver your report on whether a replacement for Genjo Sanzo has been found to Tentei – the old man is getting rather impatient right now. We should leave."

Kanzeon sighed. "I guess it can't be avoided – and I had so much fun watching..."

"Kanzeon Bosatsu!"

The Goddess smirked. "Yes, I am coming. Let us go and deliver our so-called 'report' to the old baboon. He won't like it much, though..."

She got up and followed Jiroushin to the throne room where Tentei, Lord of Heaven, was already waiting.

* * *

When the Goddess of Mercy and her subordinate entered the large hall, whispering started. 

'...guts, to be that late when Tentei expects you...'

'It's not like she hasn't always been a misfit...'

'Wonder whether she has actually worked on that report Tentei asked from her...'

Kanzeon Bosatsu chose to ignore the comments. She would never drop her own agenda to please Tentei's lapdogs, and both she and the High Lord knew it – and that was all there was to it.

She took her place in the stand prepared for speakers, right before the throne, and amiably began to address the gathered crowd of Gods.

"Ladies and Gentlemen... as you all know, a specially assigned task force has been sent out these last couple of weeks to find a replacement for the former sutra-bearer Genjo Sanzo, as said mortal has turned into a youkai and was thus unacceptable to bear the holy scripture anymore.

"The search has been extensive, all of Tougenkyo has been scoured to find a suitable person to become the next Sanzo."

Everything around her was quiet now, everybody listening with rapt attention. Kanzeon had to suppress a grin – they wouldn't like to hear what would follow...

"... However, I am sad to inform you that no suitable replacement with the necessary characteristics could be found."

It was as if she had dropped a grenade in the middle of the room; there was a moment of shocked silence – and then, everybody began to talk at once. Angry voices tried to best each other by pure volume, and more than a few expletives directed towards her person could be heard.

Tentei was not a patient man. He let the ruckus continue for another minute, then his deep, sonorous voice boomed, "SILENCE!"

The room fell silent at once.

After a few moments of quiet, Tentei addressed the Goddess directly.

"I find it rather hard to believe that there is no person in all of Tougenkyo that can replace this... this misfit that held the sutra up to now, Kanzeon Bosatsu."

She met his gaze without hesitation, without flinching.

"And yet it is so, my lord. In fact, the criteria for finding a new Sanzo were quite harsh. We were searching for a man that has been taught in the holy ways, yet is not averse to fighting to save his life, and posesses some skills in the art of self-defense. A man with reliable and equally skilled comrades to accompany him, a man who actually has a chance to complete the mission we sent him on. I am afraid that only man that fits that description is the one we took the sutra away from."

A vein started to throb in Tentei's temple, and Kanzeon almost had to laugh – the errant monk and the Godking were so alike in their reactions that it was uncanny.

"And what do you propose we do now, oh Goddess of Mercy?"

The last words dripped with sarcasm.

She gave him a friendly smile, one that, she knew, would only infuriate him more.

"Why, I think we should get over our problems with him being a youkai now and return the sutra to him, of course!"

"INCONCEIVABLE!", the bearded man on the throne thundered, and the whispering among the spectators started again. Kanzeon had to shout to make herself be heard over the crowd.

"Allow me one question, my lord..."

Tentei lifted his hand and the other Gods quieted again. Rubbing his temples, he finally replied, "Ask, Kanzeon Bosatsu. I don't know what you could possibly want to know, but I am curious."

The Goddess cleared her throat, stared right at her superior, and asked with a stone-like expression, "Would it be possible for a youkai to activate the sutra's holy power if he knew how to go about it?"

"Impossible! The script would be defiled...", the man seethed.

Kanzeon turned her smile back on.

"I am sorry, my lord, but that isn't what I asked. Is it possible for the former Genjo Sanzo to do his duties while being youkai, is it possible for him to use the sutra?"

Tentei sighed.

"Yes, Kanzeon Bosatsu, it is possible."

The Goddess' eyebrows rose in mock surprise.

"Then why did we take the sutra away from him anyway? It's not like he ever was pious, or even behaved like a monk in general. Could it be that my lord is prejudiced against youkai?"

She could hear his teeth grinding against each other, but continued without paying attention to his growing irritation.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, my lord, but I do not see how we can put off this urgent mission even for a day, just because the one person who is likely to succeed has changed in any way. To not return the sutra to the former Sanzo, under these circumstances, is nothing but folly."

At once, cries of outrage penetrated the silence.

"How can she call Tentei a fool!"

"Outrageous!"

"QUIET!", the Godking interrupted the bickering once more. Then, he turned his gaze back to Kanzeon, who stared back defiantly. The eye contact was upheld for minutes on end, the silence was palpable, until the Ruler of Heaven finally spoke again.

"As much as I dislike the idea of a servant of Heaven who is a youkai, I have to admit that you are right. I hereby decree... that Genjo Sanzo receive his rank and assignment back, until after the mission."

Kanzeon shook her head. "I am afraid that is not enough, my lord. If we want to maintain peace in Tougenkyo after Gyuumaoh is gone, we have to open the temples to any youkai who have the desire to serve the buddhist faith, stop the discrimination between the races. Otherwise, we will never achieve true unity between the two peoples, and someone just might try something like the Gyuumaoh Revival Experiment again. Genjo Sanzo could be a shining example for the fact that Heaven accepts everybody, as long as they are willing to serve it. I demand for the rank and the sutra to be returned indefinitely, in the name of true unity in the middle kingdom."

Tentei's sigh was one of a person who knew that he had been defeated.

"I am not very fond of youkai, I'll admit to that... but you are right. I said once that no one shall be turned away if he wishes to serve, and I cannot make exceptions based on personal dislike. It shall be as you say. This meeting is adjourned."

At once, the Goddess turned around and left the hall, a smile of satisfation on her face. Finally, Tentei had admitted to his own bigotry – that could only be a good thing in the long run. But now, she would wait for an appropriate moment to break the news to the reinstated Sanzo...

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Hehe, Kanzeon rules! Hope you like! Please leave a review! 


	18. Chapter 18

Hello!

Here it is, the final chapter in this story... right now, I am checking whether I have enough material for a full-fledged sequel or will leave it at loose companion pieces... give me some time to decide.

Update 05.04.2005: For some reason, I read this thing again, and now that I am re-revising it, I'm starting to have ideas again, so I just might... but don't hold your collective breath, since I have a full-time job now and it might take a while before I can actually sit down and think something up.

Answers to reviews removed - see chapter 3 for reasons.

DISCLAIMER: Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya, and I have never claimed to own it. I do not, never will and never did make profits out of using her characters.

CHAPTER 18

The group stayed at the inn for about two days; afterwards, they concluded that they had rested enough, and as this area did not seem to be interesting enough to warrant a longer stay, they decided to move on in the afternoon, back towards the east.

Soon, the jeep moved over rock and sand in a desert-like environment, and the heat of the burning sun managed what nobody else was able to do: It shut up Goku and Gojyo for more than an hour.

Grateful for the silence, driver and passenger up front were lost in their own thoughts.

Especially Kouryuu, true feelings hidden behind the regular scowl and the customary cigarette in the corner of his mouth, let his mind wander... rarely had he been as relaxed as in the last couple of days.

'Maybe I was wrong about this whole non-attachment thing after all... '

The former monk felt... whole in a strange way, a feeling he had not harbored since Koumyou Sanzo's death, and even then, it had been different. Koumyou Sanzo had been his superior, the father-figure in his world. Hakkai was...

His mind jerked back from this particular part of his vocabulary – he was nowhere near to admitting to this emotion yet.

However, what he was willing to admit was how much he enjoyed one particular part of their redefined relationship.

'Just like the Gods to prohibit this along with smoking, drinking and fighting – if it was for them, nobody here on earth would have any fun at all – ever! Maybe getting rid of the robes and the chakra was not such a bad thing, after all; at least, now nobody gives a damn about my behavior anymore...'

He stole a glance at Hakkai, and barely kept from grinning; in the uncommon quiet and calm of the morning, the brunette youkai looked straight ahead, humming a little melody to himself. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. What was extraordinary, however, that the regular "I do it because I have nothing better to do"-smile had been replaced by a genuine one, one that involved the eyes, as well.

'He is so beautiful...'

The thought came unbidden, yet Kouryuu had to admit that it was true. The green eyes, the slightly ruffled-looking brown shock of hair, strands of it fluttering in the wind...

His pleasant line of thought was harshly interrupted by Goku's voice; obviously, the time of blissful silence was over.

"Hakkai, there's someone standing in our way!"

The blond felt sorely tried to turn around and deliver Goku's regular lesson (with a rolled newspaper, as he did not have his harisen anymore) when he saw the lonely figure standing directly in their path. They got a little closer, and now they could finally tell that they even know the person... It was Kanzeon Bosatsu.

The jeep came to a halt some meters in front of her, and the Goddess winked at them.

"Hello! Surprised to see me?"

Kouryuu's good mood was gone; he glared at Kanzeon and wondered what the old hag could possibly want from them now.

Hakkai, however, was the one to answer the Goddess' question.

"I suppose we are... may I ask what brings you to this barren place?"

'May I ask'... far too nice a welcome for her, Kouryuu thought. He had no time to make amends with a customary growl, however, because now the Goddess of Mercy (how pretentious a title for this bitch!) spoke again.

"I am happy to bring good news for once... there has been a gathering of the Gods, and Tentei himself decided that you should have this back."

She tossed a small parcel to Kouryuu, wo caught it out of reflex. After he had opened the paper wrapping, his expression darkened; it was the Maten Sutra, along with the credit card and the shoureijuu, his gun.

After several moments of staring at the contents of the package, he threw it back. His aim was short, and the scroll and the other things landed in the sand.

"I don't want it anymore. Take it back."

Kanzeon's brows met on her forehead in a startled and slightly annoyed frown as she stepped forward to pick gun, sutra and card up. Her astonishment was mirrored in the speechlessness of his companions.

"And may I ask what the reason is?"

The blond man felt a sudden temptation to laugh into her face.

"You have to ask! First you take it, and with it my identity and my pride, to leave me with nothing to go on with, and then you suddenly come back with the damn thing and want to push me into taking it back? What the hell do you expect? Most likely you're here because you didn't find anybody else stupid enough to take on your little journey to death... am I right or not?"

The Goddess stepped closer and took a deep breath before she answered.

"Your assumptions are partly right. It is right that we did not manage to find a replacement for you. However, you should know more about the situation before you judge us..."

"Like hell!" Kouryuu snarled. "Hakkai, let's go, I can't stand looking at her anymore!"

He had expected the healer's reaction to be prompt compliance and turned around to face him when the engine of the jeep did not immediately start up. Hakkai's gaze was one of steel.

"I don't think we should leave without listening to what she has to say – after all, she did save your life... If you still want to recline the sutra after she is done, then so be it, but I will not go on without knowing her intentions."

The blond man knew that arguing would have no effect on their driver, and thus he muttered a rather angry-sounding, "Very well. Say what you have to say, and then leave us alone."

Kanzeon have Hakkai a grateful smile and then turned her attention towards Kouryuu again.

"I am personally very sorry for what happened; taking the sutra away from you was not my decision, but one of Tentei himself. However, during the meeting we had a couple of days back, a change of policy has been decreed... From now on, all youkai are admissible to the monasteries, always speaking they agree to being limited while being in Tenkai's service. It is an attempt in further unification of the two peoples in Tougenkyou, aimed to further calm the situation once your mission has been completed and the youkai have returned back to normal. You have been chosen to be the example for the youkai out there, to show them that even the highest rank of monk can be occupied by one of them. It took quite a while to get Tentei to agree to this, so I would appreciate it if you thought about your answer again. My name and the remainder of my good reputation are on the line – I risked quite a bit in convincing Tentei to try to change the Heavenly Laws..."

Violet eyes met hers with such intensity that she had to suppress a shudder; even as a mere mortal, Konzen's stare had that much of his familiar attitude in it.

Finally, Kouryuu decided to reply.

"If I take it back, do I have the option to pass on the title after the mission has been completed?"

The Goddess clearly did not like the way this conversation was taking, but nevertheless, she answered without hesitation.

"If, after the mission, you should decide to give up being a Sanzo, you shall be allowed to pass on the title along with the sutra... "

Almost five minutes of utter silence passed until Kouryuu, after a look at his tension-filled comrades, answered.

"Very well. I shall take on the responsibility once more... as long as I can decide the path my life takes after the assignment on my own."

Kanzeon Bosatsu nodded solemnly and walked up to the jeep while she unrolled the scroll. She placed the sutra around Kouryuu's neck, dropped gun and card into his lap and leaned over to kiss his forehead. The blond youkai barely repressed the urge to pull back; he did not particularly enjoy the contact, as the Goddess' lips felt like a hot branding iron to his skin.

Finally, Kanzeon straightened out and took a step back; the only trace that was left of her kiss was the familiar red chakra that had been taken away from him mere weeks earlier.

"Tenkai is in your debt, Genjo Sanzo. Please turn around now – Tenjiku awaits."

She winked at him. "And by the way – congratulations!"

And with those words, she vanished, leaving Kouryuu wondering what exactly she had congratulated him about...

He shook his head; most likely, he would never exactly figure out that hag's implications. Ah well... He felt Hakkai's eyes on him and turned to see a smile on the brunette youkai's face.

"Permission to turn around, Sanzo-sama?"

The newly reinstated monk felt the corners of his mouth wander upwards slightly in response.

He had learned that being a nobody had its ramifications, and after the journey, he would have some serious thinking to do, to decide whether he wanted to stay what he was, or pursue a different way of life. To have learned from the Gods themselves that he would have this kind of freedom at his fingertips made him feel strangely elated. But for now...

"Permission granted. We have business in Tenjiku – and I still have a personal bone to pick with Kougaiji..."

And thus, the vehicle turned around, to drive towards the setting sun again, and, barely half and hour later, the regular routine could be heard again...

"Ne Kou... Sanzo? I am hungry..."

"We don't have anything!"

"But I'm starving!"

"Leave the monk alone, monkeyboy"

"Don't call me monkeyboy, ero-kappa!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

"QUIET!"

The sound of gun shots ripped apart the serenity of dusk as the jeep vanished behind the horizon.

THE END

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Ah, this was so much fun... expect more in the future! Will use the next weeks to think of more plot and watch the episodes over again, to come back with more afterwards (which is not to say that I will not write anything – if the writing bug bites, there shall be more from me)... Please leave a review! 

This Story has been re-revised on 04 March 2005. When I re-read it, I found a bunch of typos and awkward constructions left in here I wanted to kill, and since I had heard that fanfiction dot net now bans accounts if there are answers to reviews in the story chapters, I wanted to make sure that my whole account didn't get yanked. As said above, I am actually toying with the idea for a couple of one-shots, but it depends on whether I will have the time and the inspiration to write those.


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